The Past Haunts Us

This weekend was a blast from the past. Friday night was a later bedtime because it was the weekend. S was going to have a 'sleepover' with her big sister. Big sister had to go somewhere and came back once S was to the point of no return. She wanted so badly to cry, but she didn't. Bid sis started to try to reason with her, then make her feel badly because she backed out on her. I always have to intervene, because her sister is only a kid herself, not her parent. Although she sees what theraputic parenting looks like and requires, it's hard for her to understand that the usual tactics just don't work. All was well the next day after a good nights rest. Sunday was a different story. At church, we saw the child from 2 years ago surface. She just wouldn't cooperate and was generally grumpy. I could see it was mostly directed at her sister, who was going back to college that day. It is so hard for her to have her 2 oldest sisters come and go in her life. She just doesn't quite understand all of it, especially since they are close enough to come home frequently. Sunday night and last night were nights of fitful sleep. S was thrashing around the bed with such force, it was horrible. I usually sleep next to her now, but it was so bad that I went up to my bed. I really feel terrible and rather helpless for what she must be going through. I went ahead and sent an email to the teacher for a conference. She must be stressed about something, and I need to see if school is any part of it. I would have had a conference with her anyway, because I never really had the opportunity to talk to her before school started. I was lying awake one night thinking about how teachers have dealt with things in the past. They always seem to have bigger issues and my child doesn't seem to matter. I can see how that can happen, it happens in my own family with my own kids. S has taken priority to the other three since coming home almost 5 years ago. But just like in my own family, if one of my kids calls something to my attention, I take notice and give them what they deserve. My older 2 are doing great things, like getting a 4.0 last semester and taking a bunch of summer classes to get ahead. My 3rd is getting caught in the middle of all of this. I need to give her the attention she deserves too. So back to S, I need to try to get the school to see her needs as just as important as the next kid. The words of the pre-school teacher come back to me all the time, "I hope too much damage hasn't been done." She should be ashamed of herself. It all happened because she refused to trust that I knew her better than anyone. She refused to tell me what went on day to day. She felt she should be able to handle eveything and she had enough experience to cover any situation. I know exactly how my daughter must feel, how can you continue to trust when people say one thing and do another?