Back to Work

We've been so busy with appts, so two nights ago we got back to our program. We got most of it done, and since it was our first day back, I didn't push for getting 100% done. Last night, we attempted to get started and it just didn't work out. Our sessions usually start out with more stops than starts. She will resist, then crawl into my arms and we snuggle. Last night, we did that and she almost fell asleep. I ended up just putting her to bed. Today we will do it early since we don't have any appts. She is having such a hard time with perceived rejection. She is putting herslef out there to be loved, and when someone can't be with her, she is devastated. One of my daughter's friends is visiting and she really likes her. Yesterday she wanted to hug her, but she had just come back from a bike ride and was all sweaty. She said no and it sent S into a tailspin. She felt so badly that she was rejected. I explained the situation to the friend and she hugged her anyway. Also yesterday, she wanted to stay in the bathroom with me and I said no. She ran out screaming, "I don't need a mommy!" She is having such a hard time with feeling rejected. It is so hard to know what will hurt her, I've been trying to think about everything before I say it. I am trying to eliminate "No" from my responses to her. I re-phrase it and it has been very helpful. Never in a million years did I think she could possibly feel rejected by the word no. I never thought I would need to tell her she would live with us forever, that I would love her no matter what she did, and that she was safe with me. Why would she feel any other way? Because she experienced early neglect and the loss of the only caretaker she knew. The effects of that are something that traditional parenting doesn't take care of on it's own.