OT Report

I'm just going to copy what I wrote to Bette on this one....

I just spoke with Sophia's OT about her findings. They are very disturbing to me, specifically the severity of issues found.

This is what she said: S has severe motor planning issues. Her visual tracking is off. She doesn't attend to the task visually long enough. She is easily distracted both visually and auditorily.

She is both tactily and auditorily defensive. She has a hard time transitioning from a preferred task to a challenging task.

Her systems are not integrated, she is uncomfortable in her own body.

She doesn't bring hands together at midline, doesn't reach behind her back, and needs to turn her whole body to reach for an object or complete a task.

She is orally defensive and can't get her mouth, tongue or lips to do what she wants them to do.

Of course some of this we knew, but the extent of it is quite overwhelming. I am feeling terrible that she hasn't been in OT these past 2 years. The person we had wasn't any good and I just found this new person. She is far away and it is expensive, but we need something. Today she fed her a snack for 30 minutes. Although she got information from watching her, it is extremely frustrating that I drive 40 minutes and pay who knows how much for her to watch her eat for 30 minutes. At this rate, she will be in OT for years and never be ready for school. Sorry to project my frustration, but I wanted to give you this information to see if there is anything you might want to add to S's program. Today, I had to physically move her through the homolaterals. She is doing the tummy crawling for now, but complains that it hurts her knees and elbows. Please give me your thoughts on this and my other questions when you get back.

Now, more of my thoughts...I need someone to help me do the fetal patterns.
The one we are doing is a 2 step pattern, which takes some practice to get right. I'm pretty sure all of the direction, correction, and arguing and NOT how they are meant to be done. Today is a frustrating day to say the least. The OT report is so upsetting. If I had competent people around me, couldn't we have been working on this? The school didn't think we even needed OT, that's why I told them they could keep their help. I called the ped's office yesterday to get a referral for an audiogram for the listening program I am getting involved in. They asked if I thought she had a hearing problem. I explained that her hearing it too acute, that's why she needs this program. She seemed to get it and said she would tell the doctor. She called back today and said they could give her a hearing test. Hello? Do they need an intelligence test? I told them again what I needed and confirmed they couldn't supply it, so I wait another day or more. The place that is doing the program isn't the most cooperative. They act like I'm bothering them with my questions. They are willing to do the program without even talking to me to see if it's right for us. What????? So now I wait until Thursday and see if she can talk to me in a few hour window for which she cannot set up a time. Now I need to see if the school will consult with the OT. I hope tomorrow doesn't lead to more frustration or I'll need a straightjacket. I am grateful that the school wants S to be like the other kids, I do too, but she needs to be handled differently. She can only be helped if you accept her for who she is. Isn't that supposed to be the hardest for the parent and not others?

A Heartbreaking Discovery

Okay, I'm wondering if I should be taking the time out to write this, but I want to be able to remember how this important day. It has been a particularly frustrating day for both of us. Her teacher said it was an okay day. S told me that a teacher pushed her into the time out chair. This was her version, and I think the teacher probably had to physically re-direct her to the chair. She told me she spilled water, which seems to happen often. Whenever she does something like that, she is frustrated. You would think they could recognize that and see it coming since it doesn't seem to be the rare event. Of course I never hear it from the teacher, she says everything is great. I don't know if she thinks she can handle it or maybe she doesn't know what to do about it. I don't know if I should leave her there or not. If I take her out, I think that will leave her feeling like it is all her fault. If I leave her in, she could have even more difficulties because they keep thinking this behavior is all under her control.

So we were doing our crawling, which she hates and has been putting up a fuss over. We moved to a different location and she started ripping the crawling mat where there was already a rip started. She said she was frustrated. She asked me to spank her. I told her that I don't spank her. I asked her if she wanted to be spanked and she said no. Did she feel like she deserved it? We finished up after a few more laps. While I was feeding her chicolate pudding reward, I asked her a question. I said, Does mommy love you when you are frustrated? She shook her head no. I was shocked! I proceeded to tell her that I loved her when she was happy, sad, mad, frustrated, and I would love her forever no matter what. I was devastated and know we need to talk even more. Crawling is bringing up emotions, no wonder she doesn't want to do it. Why can't I just take all of her pain and spare her the hurt?

Re-eval

I've been wanting to post this for a few days now, we've had our re-eval. Overall, it went well, and we've got a very manageable program. We are very obviously not finished, but the good news is that Bette said we could be close! I so wanted to hear that, but was afraid it would be much longer before I heard anything like that. She said we 'could' be close to finished, so that has a lot of gray area. One can never predict how long something will actually take to heal completely. We got back to tummy crawling and you can really see that there is a lot of healing that needs to take place. Everytime we stop the tummy crawling, there is clear regression. This is the area of most resistance, so we are going the slowest. I will rejoice the day we no longer have to tummy crawl. We started homolaterals, which I thought would be a battle like tonic neck patterns. She does them like a pro! I don't even need a helper at this point. I wish I knew if them coming so naturally means that there is less healing to be done in that area?

I have to mention something disturbing. This will be the second time that Bette mentioned that when she first saw S, she was really worried. I'm so happy she didn't convey that to me when she was thinking it. I was already worried, and Bette was the one who finally gave us the hope we were looking for. I'm glad she has the wisdom to know what to say and when to say it. Other people we know felt the same, but only said some thing when they saw how much she has improved. Of course, they don't know what trauma looks like, neither did I. Trauma was an equal size piece of the puzzle. I tend to be optimistic, even though some see me totally different. So if you have been reading this from the beginning, you may be thinking things weren't all that bad. Well, they were. And there are still areas that cause quite a bit of concern. Bette identified a retained reflex this time. I looked it up and this is what it said.
"At about three months of age, an infant will begin to display the Landau's reflex. When she is placed on her stomach face down, she will raise her head and arch her back. This reflex will persist until around the child's first birthday. Absence of this reflex suggests problems in motor development. The pediatrician may investigate further to rule out such problems as cerebral palsy and mental retardation ."

Cerebral palsy and mental retardation? Those words were hard to read. what do both of those words equate to? Brain injury. What does NR address? Brain injury! We are in the right place doing the right thing. Bette also recommended a listening program for S's auditory sensitivity. Hopefully this will decrease her anxiety.

We are going to get the program ASAP. I'll let you know how it goes.

Personal Reflections

As I sat with my daughter feeding her pancakes this morning, I was thinking back to where we started. Most moms will never go through what we are, but my daughter has taught me so much through all of this. I wish for her life to have been easier for her, but it's not, so we have made the best out of it all. I recieve criticism from family members and strangers for feeding her instead of her feeding herself. They don't understand that feeding her is a bonding tool and very important for attachment. If she started eating anything solid before she was almost 3 years old, maybe I wouldn't be feeding her at 4 and a half. I am so grateful that she is actually eating a solid food AND from a utensil. One recent development is her desire to be like mommy. Oh my gosh, how exciting is that for me? I remember reading about attachment and development activities that had your child copy what you did. That might work for other children, but my precious girl was just too fearful to try anything new, let alone copy me. I bought us matching shirts and she was so happy. She wants to grow up to be big like mommy. I told her she needs to eat good food to grow up to be big like me, I think it's actually motivating her to eat more. We still struggle with eating a variety of foods. She gets a huge variety through a bottle, but she eventually needs to get away from that. She is capable of using a cup, but she won't use a sippy cup or a straw. She could still get the concoction that is in her bottle from a cup. Is it hurting her still using a bottle? No, it's just getting harder for mom to take the unspoken criticism in public. You'd think I'd be over that by now.

Another thing taken for granted by people who haven't been through attachment difficulties is eye contact. Pre-adoption me thought this point must be so overrated. Boy, did I have a giant learning curve! Now, when my daughter looks me right in the eyes, I am flooded with joy at such a simple gesture. I am so grateful for this journey, I appreciate so many things that get unnoticed by people with average children. I thought I appreciated every detail of my other 3 birth children, and I did, but I had no idea that there was so much more depth to appreciate.

I was reading back to some of my earlier entries and it's really amazing to see where we've come. At 15 months, I had a child who couldn't sit up by herself, refused all solid food, refused consoling, wouldn't be affectionate, and most remarkably, her brain had no idea that her left hand existed. I was not too worried at first, knowing the trauma of adoption could cause regression. All of the stories I read were about how quickly they catch up once they are home. I counted on that to be true for us, but it was soon apparent that was not going to be our story. Did I begin to worry? YES! I was so lost with no information and no local professionals that had any idea what to do other than catagorize her into the closest diagnosis. As time went on, I did my own research and connected with other families who had similar struggles. None quite fit ours, and I admit I was a little resentful that they were all special needs adoptions and ours was not. I feel horrible writing this and admitting that I felt that way, but I think it was mostly because I had no opportunity to prepare ahead. I had to waste valuable time searching for infomation when we could be helping her. It wasn't fair to her that we couldn't find her help. I wish I could remember who posted about Bette on my yahoo group. I think I can look it up in the archives. I had such little time to research NR, and I was such a sceptic. It was a lot of money to pay and a big risk. I felt it was a risk because so many others who were supposed to be in the know didn't really know anything. I was optimistic though when I read the description of NR, it mentioned all of the things we needed to work on and so many more. I decided it was worth the risk and I was so thrilled to find someone who actually understood and offered a solution. There was only one thing Bette had never seen, and that was S's obsession with circles. She still loves circles, but is a little less obsessed.

Well, with so many interruptions while writing this, my thoughts are all over the place. This is just as normal as I can get it, without the promise of someday things being different. There is a lot of peace that comes with accepting life as it is. It doesn't mean you compromise so much that you don't get what you need to accomplished. It just means that it might take you longer to get things done, or it may mean that you need to let some things be less than perfect. Accepting things the way they are and your limitations because of it, allow you to let go of the things you are spinning your wheels on and aren't going to happen. Letting that go leaves more time for the things that are higher priority. I never thought I'd get to this place, but it's another life lesson that I've learned through this incredible journey with my special daughter. She is teaching me about a part of life that I would never be priviledged to know if it hadn't been for her. What a blessing she is to show me that obstacles should never get in the way of happiness. I love her more than words could ever describe.

Disney

We had a great trip to Disney World this past weekend. Rides that S was formerly afraid of-she wasn't afraid anymore. Each of her 3 older sisters wanted a turn to sit with her on a ride because they wanted to see her enjoy it. They are so thrilled and proud big sisters, they share in our joy at seeing their sister overcome her obstacles. I've been trying to think of a list of things to discuss with Bette, and I am thankfully coming up short!!! How exciting is that? We went to a new OT last week and I was pleasantly surprised that she seemed to "get it!" I didn't like how she wasn't sensitive to saying negative things about S in front of her, but I willl have time to tell her that I prefer not to say things in front of her. She is 4 1/2 and knows exactly what is being said. We're re-visiting OT because I wanted a new eval to see where we still needed work. The only thing I want to work on is self-regulation. The only place we are really seeing this is with pre-school where she is with a lot of activity and other children. When she is at the park, she plays beautifully with other children. She used to be right up in their face and invade their personal space. That's not really an issue anymore. We still have sensitivity to sound, but she is really good at covering her ears. We are doing well with potty training, I still don't know if there is a physical reason that it is taking so long. I accepted long ago that she is on her own timetable and that I am just going to enjoy the ride rather than wonder when we're are getting off the ride. Of course I would love someone to tell me the endpoint, but who can complain when their child is pure joy. I have dealt with so many things with my daughter, and our entire family is totally immersed in this because families experience everything together, good and bad. I am so grateful for what I'm not dealing with. We have never had a sleep issues or rages. We don't have manipulation or controlling behavior. When people say God never gives you more than you can handle, isn't that the truth? I never expected this journey, but I am a better person for it. It has taught me more patience, more compassion, more understanding, less judging, and gratitude. I hope I can assist others through our trials. I wrote on the Neuro-network group today about 'lasts' being more important than 'firsts." I am so happy I read about the lasts when my older children were still young. The hardest last has been when then turn mommy into mom. Since I have 3 children older than S, she calls me 'mom'. I told her, "I'm mommy to you little one!" My almost 20 year old will still call me mommy on occasion. I think the lasts for our kids who struggle are very important. The last time that S covers her ears when fireworks go off will be a reason to celebrate. The last time she asks me to carry her up the stairs will be a huge reason to celebrate. My aching knees will be happy! Last week at Chinese class, she said to me, "I'll go get the snack myself!" This was a huge deal since we were in an auditorium type room on a college campus and the snacks were as far away as you can get from where we were. She always surprises me with the things she wants to do. I have been in such a protective mode with her, I know I don't give her all of the opportunities that I should. I think since she's my 4th child, I just have no pressure for her to meet traditional milestones. I love to see her with other children her age now because the gap is closing between them. I wish I could see into the future to know if she will eventually be like her same age children.

While I write this, she has been beside me. She loves to play with cars and she turns them on their side to show that they are sleeping. She said to me, "Look at the Z's coming out." She calls the ZZZZ's 'symbols' to show they are sleeping. I think I wrote about this earlier when she first said it, but I will tell you again just in case I didn't write it before. I asked her what the letter Z was for(meaning the sound) and instead of telling me the sound she said, "Z is for snoring" Ahh, the benefit of reading.

The OT said since she was so attuned to sound, she was probably more of a visual learner. This OT is very observant, I can't wait to see how she can help us. We will go weekly for a while and see if it helps. She said she will work closely with the teacher, which is very exciting. Maybe if the teacher hears it from an OT, she will belive it. Sometimes she wants to treat S like any other kid, I'm not sure if it's because she thinks she can help any child, or she doesn't quite buy the SID reason for behavior.

That's all for now, we go for our re-eval next week. I can't wait.

2011

2011 is off to a good start. Hopefully 2011 will also see the end of NR. I think we are just doing some fiune tuning now, as I don't have a huge list that I go through at each re-eval. I've been composing our graduation post to the group, since I want it concise but all inclusive. A bit premature you may be thinking, but I think it's important to remember all the progress we've made. It's been hard to convince people that the NR is reponsible since we started so young. S would be advancing and progressing no matter what. I think that attachment had a lot to do with her holding back. The other day she told me something that happened a year ago. She remembered the sequence of events. From what I remember, I wasn't even sure what she could comprehend at that point. She had us all fooled. I had thought that could be a possibility all along, because she would never let on that she knew anything. That was actually a pretty clever method of self protection. Now that she is feeling safer, she is willing to open up and reciprocate with conversation. She always talked a lot, but it was just monologue or asking questions or making comments about something. She would still prefer not to answer direct questions. I still think there could be auditory processing problems going on. Sometimes I have to rephrase things to get an answer. Is it my presistence that gets her to answer, or is it the different presentation that makes her answer. She is going through some speech 'difficulties' right now. Difficulties isn't the right word, but I'm not sure what to call it. She'll repeat a word over and over in a sentence because it seems like she can't speak as fast as her brain is producing words. She'll say, "Can I, can I, can I, and then what she wants. It's not stuttering, because she can form the word, it's just she can't get it all out fast enough. Not long ago, she would just repeat your question when you asked it. Now we get answers. She is very guarded, especially emotionally. She is most sensitive to her 13 year old sister. If M doesn't want her in the room or rejects her in any way, she comes out complaining and saying that her feelings are hurt. She's pretty much the only person who can make her cry. The one remarkable thing that is now effective is punnishment or threat of punnishment. Consequenses never worked before. You could take away all of her possesions or threaten anything and it had no meaning to her. Now, I can ask her if she wants to go in time out and she'll usually do what I want. She is also very concerned if I am happy or not. She wants to make sure I'm happy all of the time. I can also tell her she'll make me sad and she'll comply with the request. I don't use it often because this probably has some detrimental effect on attachment. We go back for another re-eval in a few weeks. Hopefully we'll get an endpoint by that time. I need that to keep going.

It's the End of 2010

This past year has been one of positive progress. We have made huge leaps in development, mostly becuse of age, partly due to NR. Since she is so young, we are going to make a huge amount of developmental progress anyway, but I truly believe that NR helps unlock the potential for maximum growth. I just wish I was able to stay as faithful to the program as I would like to. It will be 2 years in February, and we should be close to finished. I doubt that we are because of our lapses. I did the best I could, and vow to be better disciplined this next year. Since she is getting older, I feel like I can get her to cooperate more. Her language skills now let me know that she understands, so I can have the confidence she knows what I am explaining. Last night, she move her legs herself for her tonic neck reflex pattern. If she can keep this up, I won't need a partner, which has been my biggest roadblock. It was a huge risk putting her in preschool, but it has been mostly positive. It has been huge for attachment, which has led to better cooperation. She communicates better with children and adults. Unfortunately, being with other children overstimulates her, so she can be a wild maniac and appear to be a huge discipline problem. Her teacher is very kind and patient, and will let her sit in another part of the room and read if she needs a break. There are several children with behavior problems in her class, which is difficult because she mimics other children, no matter what they do-good or bad.

One major milestone last month was when I heard her say, "Mom! Look at me!!!" To most moms, this is something they hear multiple times a day for as long as they can remember. For me, this was huge because she actually cared enough to want me to look at something she did. Not that she didn't care about me, but with a child who struggles with attachment, saying something like that is really going out on a limb. We have almost normal eye contact now, something we were still working on at the start of the year. Anxiety is still an issue, but less so. Self regulation is still number one. The minute she gets to school, she'll dart to whatever she is interested in and her hands are on it, even if someone else has it. She knows to ask, but usually will only do so if you stop her before she can grab or touch. She does much better at home with regulation because she isn't overstimulated. She loves to draw, and she amazes me at her ability to copy what someone else draws. Her fine motor skills are really great when using a pen, but she has a hard time with scissors.

I was beyond excited this year when she was totally into making and decorating cookies with me. I never thought she would have the patience and skills to be able to do it. She asked for my help a little, but did it mostly by herself.

There was a day not so long ago when she wouldn't touch play dough, now she loves it. She is eating more solid food, but no fruits or vegetables. She still gets fruits, vegs, and meat through baby food in the bottle with milk. Although this isn't the preferred method, I'll bet she is getting a better variety of food than most any child her age. We're on a waiting list for an OT who is supposed to specialize in sensory. I'm hoping that she can help with the eating issues. She usually eats the snack at preschool, which is always something like chex mix, goldfish, or some cracker like food. She drinks small quantities of water from a cup. She is someone who loves her routine, so I need to force the issue a little more at home. I had originally planned to change to 5 day a week preschool in January, but I don't think I am going to do that.

I'm really pleased with our progress this year. We go for our re-eval in February, so we'll see where we stand. I'm hoping we are close to finishing, although I doubt we are. Seeing the finish line will certainly motivate me to work as hard as I can. As much as I don't advocate the slow method like we are doing, I do hope that we can encourage people who think they need to quit because they can't get the program done everyday. Every bit helps, and something is always better than nothing.

Some Little Things

One morning recently, I was doing something in the kitchen and making some noise. S was saying something to me and I asked her, "What?" I should have stopped what I was doing, but didn't and I still didn't hear what she said. So after her saying it 2 more times, I stopped what I was doing, got closer to her and asked again. She said loudly, "I LOVE YOU!" Oh my gosh, did you just say that? I have heard that so few times, and to think she would still say it after having to yell it for the 3rd time. Of course I swooped her up and gave her a huge hug. Another time just a few days later, I was buckling her in her car seat and she said, "I'm so glad you're here with me." Wow! These are gigantic breakthroughs for us.

The other day we were at a park and she played so nicely with a little boy her age. They played harmoniously for 3 hours!!! She does so well one on one, or even with a few kids. I've been told by her teacher that she has lost control in the classroom. This makes me really sad because it's not her nature to act out. She must be at sensory overload. The teacher is very low key, but the rest of the class is not. There is no time out, but I worry about self esteem. She may not be saying things to S, but S is clearly getting the message that she is naughty. It's just so hard to trust other people with your child. They can be great for them, but they can also so a lot of damage without you knowing what is going on. She has been sick this entire week, so I haven't discussed it with the teacher since she came home announcing she was naughty and bad. The teacher said she had a bad day, but that's all I know.

Since she is never sick, we don't ever need to give her medicine. Because of her oral sensitivities, the only time we've even had to give her fever reducer by mouth was when she first came home. It immediately gagged her and she threw it up. We had to wait and disguise it in a bottle of formula. A few days ago, we needed to give her some liquid ibuprofin. We gently put in into her mouth with a syringe and much to our surprise, she sawllowed it without a fight!!! For a kid who doesn't eat anything and still uses a bottle, this is an amazing leap for her. On the food note, she really wants to drink out of a juice box. She sees her friends doing it, and she tries so hard, but she just can't bring herself to do it. The good think is that she wants to eat and drink, so someday we know she will. She asks for food she doesn't eat. She asks for french fries, which she's eaten a few time. If she asks when I'm out, I've gotten them for her a few times. She will sometimes eat a few, but she mostly like to just hold the package. We have to start somewhere! That's all for now, we've been off the program for a week now because she's been too sick to do anything. Can't wait to get back to normal. I guess the good thing about illness is that it always strengthens our bond. She needed a chest x-ray yesterday and she did exactly what the lady told her to. Just 6 months ago, she would have been scared to death and not complied. Our progress is slow, but progress just the same. We will be around family for Thanksgiving and I'm stressing that there will be comments made. I'm trying to arm myself, but I'm usaually in such shock that I'm left speechless. Hopefully all the worry is for nothing.

November 5, 2010

I wish I had time to write daily, because there are so many little changes that I just forget about. There were some pretty profound things happening when we first started our new program. We are concentrating on the tonic neck pattern because part of the impulsivity is because the two hemispheres of the brain are not communicating. I picture it like the cartoon where the angel is on one shoulder and the devil is on the other. Sometimes the one side wins, sometimes the other. The problem is, I really think she knows when she can't control it and feels badly after. She doesn't express emotion well, so I can't tell what is going on inside. She appears happy, very very happy, almost all of the time. I know she is hiding feelings, but part of me wants to believe she is just a happy girl. One time her sister instinctively slapped her hand when S hit at her or did something to hurt her. Her feelings were so hurt. She cried for a length of time. She was also very sleepy, and fell asleep in the car, crying up until the moment she went to sleep. She wasn't at all physically hurt, but she was upset with her sister for doing that. She shows frustration, and will act out when she feels that way. I don't think I've ever really seen sadness.

Another huge change is her eye alignment. I've noticed in pictures that her eyes are more often aligned. I'm so excited about this!!! I took some pictures of her today, and they look so much better. One day, when we were dropping off at pre-school, I had just been talking about asking permission to hug or touch someone. She went to hug a little girl and then stopped herself with her arms outstretched and almost touching the girl. She asked if she could hug and the girl nodded permission, only to shove her away as soon as she gave her the hug. The was a huge step for her. I'm not sure her teacher believes she fits the profile of a sensory dysfunctioned child, but she is kind to her. I gave the teacher some articles and she is implementing some of the suggestions into the classroom and into the routine. She said she could see how some of the other children could benefit from this. Hooray!!! Maybe this atmosphere will compliment our therapy and we will get the most out of it.

I have to tell you about our attachment progress. The love story is unfolding in such a beautiful way. How wonderful that I get to experience this with her, when other moms just take it for granted that their child will love and trust them. I've noticed that when I read to her or am close to her, she will just rest her little hand on my arm. She is so excited to see me when I pick her up from pre-school. Today, we were in a store, and I was a few feet from her but I was out of her sight. She called, "Mom?" and I answered and was immediately next to her. She reached over and held my hand. This is so huge, because she hates to have to hold my hand when we are out. She was forced to do it this summer when we were in China. She decided she didn't want to be in her stroller, so I told her she had to hold my hand. she took the least of two evils, but hated it. She has never held onto our hand, always preferring to be independent and walk next to us. I'm sure this was a control issue. That's what makes today's experience so wonderful, she chose to do it.

October re-eval

We just had our re-evaluation and got a new plan. We're going to work through this, even though it won't be easy. I only have one pattern that I need someone to help me with, so the program is do-able. It's really hard to have people in the house, but no one to help. S has started pre-school, and overall things are going well. She has never been anxiously attached, so she had no problem leaving me. One thing she said shocked me. She obsessed about me comiing to get her. I don't know if the teachers mentioned it when it was time to leave. I think she wanted to stay on the playground, because that's the last place they go before it's time to leave. She also talked a lot about saying goodbye to the other children, she didn't like doing that. The second or third day of school, she almost started crying on the way home. this is significant, because almost nothing makes her cry. She said she didn't want to say goodbye to the other kids. I'm so happy it was just that, I immediately thought something horrible had happened to her. They are talking about feelings in school, which is really great. S doesn't express feelings at all. I have been working on labeling feelings for her. It hadn't occured to me that she is pretty even tempered. That would appear to be a blessing, but it makes me wonder what she is internalizing. I finally made her a scrapbook of her life before we adopted her, so I'm hoping she'll be able to express some feelings. She says the cutest thing to me now, I think she got it from a book we read. She says, "Mommy and S hug and make a heart shape, right?" Doesn't that bring up such a wonderful visual? I look forward to sharing our progress, hopefully on a more regular basis. The biggest thing we are working on is impulse regulation.