November 5, 2010

I wish I had time to write daily, because there are so many little changes that I just forget about. There were some pretty profound things happening when we first started our new program. We are concentrating on the tonic neck pattern because part of the impulsivity is because the two hemispheres of the brain are not communicating. I picture it like the cartoon where the angel is on one shoulder and the devil is on the other. Sometimes the one side wins, sometimes the other. The problem is, I really think she knows when she can't control it and feels badly after. She doesn't express emotion well, so I can't tell what is going on inside. She appears happy, very very happy, almost all of the time. I know she is hiding feelings, but part of me wants to believe she is just a happy girl. One time her sister instinctively slapped her hand when S hit at her or did something to hurt her. Her feelings were so hurt. She cried for a length of time. She was also very sleepy, and fell asleep in the car, crying up until the moment she went to sleep. She wasn't at all physically hurt, but she was upset with her sister for doing that. She shows frustration, and will act out when she feels that way. I don't think I've ever really seen sadness.

Another huge change is her eye alignment. I've noticed in pictures that her eyes are more often aligned. I'm so excited about this!!! I took some pictures of her today, and they look so much better. One day, when we were dropping off at pre-school, I had just been talking about asking permission to hug or touch someone. She went to hug a little girl and then stopped herself with her arms outstretched and almost touching the girl. She asked if she could hug and the girl nodded permission, only to shove her away as soon as she gave her the hug. The was a huge step for her. I'm not sure her teacher believes she fits the profile of a sensory dysfunctioned child, but she is kind to her. I gave the teacher some articles and she is implementing some of the suggestions into the classroom and into the routine. She said she could see how some of the other children could benefit from this. Hooray!!! Maybe this atmosphere will compliment our therapy and we will get the most out of it.

I have to tell you about our attachment progress. The love story is unfolding in such a beautiful way. How wonderful that I get to experience this with her, when other moms just take it for granted that their child will love and trust them. I've noticed that when I read to her or am close to her, she will just rest her little hand on my arm. She is so excited to see me when I pick her up from pre-school. Today, we were in a store, and I was a few feet from her but I was out of her sight. She called, "Mom?" and I answered and was immediately next to her. She reached over and held my hand. This is so huge, because she hates to have to hold my hand when we are out. She was forced to do it this summer when we were in China. She decided she didn't want to be in her stroller, so I told her she had to hold my hand. she took the least of two evils, but hated it. She has never held onto our hand, always preferring to be independent and walk next to us. I'm sure this was a control issue. That's what makes today's experience so wonderful, she chose to do it.