Ahhhhh.....

Well, Sunday night was an absolute disaster. I was reading her a bedtime story and when I was finished, she threw the book up in the air. It landed on the bed, but I strenly told her not to do that again because it could have hurt us. She immediately went into the "I'm bad" mantra. I told her she wasn't bad, she just made a mistake and that I'm telling her so she knows not to do it. She just kept saying it. I know not to engage her and that I need to repeat that I love her over and over again. That always makes it stop. She started getting more forcefull with her tone, so I told her that was okay to yell it out if that made her feel better. She screamed it so hard her little body shook. I just held her and told her I loved her no matter what. The lights were out because it was time for sleep, but I could feel her little cheeks had tears on them. She was starting to wimper and take deep breaths like she wanted to cry. I told her it was okay to cry and that crying sometimes makes us feel better. She cried a little and then it all stopped. I told her over and over again that there was nothing she could say or do to make me not love her. I told her she was a sweet girl and not a bad girl, she was all sweet and not all bad. She drifted off to sleep soon after. She woke up around 3 and I put my hand on her to let her know I was there. She pipes up and says, "I'm all sweet now!" I said, "Yes baby, you are all sweet." It killed me to think she must have been thinking about it all that time. She woke up the happiest child I ever saw. I was walking on pins and needles waiting for fallout. It never came. She was happier that she usually is the entire day. We didn't get started on our NR until after 7pm. I was so afraid it would cause her to slip into her mood. That never came either. I told her we needed to go out of order on our exercises which should have produced some opposition. I told her we needed to do the tonic neck because we didn't get to that one last time. Since this is her new least favorite, I didn't want to skip this one again if she started going downhill. I had already made up my mind that I wouldn't push her because of what had just happened the night before. She started doing them herself! I asked her to do 10 more because she started getting sloppy. She didn't even protest at that, even though I could clearly see that she didn't want to do 10 more. We did the rest of them together and nothing set her off. She went to bed without a problem and there was nothing negative.

This morning, we were running late for school and I was upstairs getting dressed. She was yelling to her sister from downstairs. Her sister was getting ready too and not able to answer her or fullfill her requests. I was getting so annoyed at the yelling, I went to the top of the stairs and told her to stop yelling and go sit on the couch until we came down. I can't think of a day that that wouldn't turn into her shouting how bad she is. She actually listened to me and went into the kitchen. I was irritated at my own inability to stay calm and regretted saying anything to her in a harsh tone. I cam down and thanked her for listening to me. We got in the car and everything was great. They are having a Valentine's Day celebration at school today, she has been looking forward to it for so long. I really hope this is a turning point for her and not a temporary thing. She has so much inside that is afraid to come out. We are going back to China in just a little over 2 weeks for only a week for a charity project I am starting. Hopefully it will be really good for her. Anytime she is stretched out of her comfort zone, she makes some major advancements. It is going to be exhausting, but I think each positive trip to China helps give her security.