A Day Off

I took a day off on Saturday, I just couldn't find the energy to do the program. S asked if we were going to do it before she went to bed, because it is now our routine. I just realized we have been nearly 100% faithful to the program since December. I never thought we would get there, but I guess I needed a deadline for motivation. Now that I crawl along with S, she is much more compliant. We do the homologous stretch without a problem now. Yesterday, she asked to do it on the floor beside me. She did a great job by herself, but I asked her to get back on top of me for the rest. If we are re-creating fetal patterns, then it makes a lot more sense to try to re-create the feeling of being in-utero, right? Our day off created some regression, I find it amazing. One day of not crawling left her left side at 50% power. Her left leg was back in the air and not moving. I did forget to do the RMT pattern, and that has made a difference in the past. It's like I have to remind her brain that her left leg is there.

I have made the leap to try BIT(brain integration therapy). I am very sceptical of this therapy, especially since it is so expensive. It uses accupressure, which has been around for ages. Maybe 10 years in the future, it will be the next big thing, and I can say that we did it before it was popular. Either that or I'll just be in debt because of it and no farther along. My only reservation is doing the listening therapy along with this. How do I know which therapy worked? Each practitioner is going to say it was their method, aren't they?

We have a meeting with the school about the IEP. I'm hoping it is not as frustrating as the first meeting.

Quick Note

Just a quick note-We were doing her NR and 2 of her big sisters were in the room. we were all talking while it was going on. She asked if we were going to do the fetals, as usual, and I told her we'd do a couple. When we were done, I was expecting to jump up and start doing other things. She rolled over and gave me a big kiss on the stomach and remembered our snuggle time afterwards. How could I forget snuggle time? She knows her routine, but I think she wanted this and the kiss was certainly optional! I'm so excited where this is going!

New Things

We started the Theraputic Listening program on Tuesday. For now, we are having her put the headphones on in the car on the way homw from school. The OT said it could make her tired, so rather than try after she gets home, we tried the car. She does great with it and seems to enjoy it. Hallelujah that she can enjoy therapy! I am already seeing some changes. The OT said she will be more emotional during the initial adjustment time. Well, this child isn't emotional on a normal basis. She is always in happy mode, sometimes frustrated, and not usally sad. That is the extent of her emotions. She never really talks about an emotional state of being, other than viocing frustration. She has given hugs and kisses all on her own the past couple of days. She had the headphones on today and announced to me she wasn't afraid. She has been going up the stairs on her own, which she is normally afraid to do. She seems more willing to do things. Every day, she asks about doing her exercises. It's more of an anxiety thing and getting it over with than a desire to do them. She asks about the fetals every time. I ask if she wants to do them, usually it's no, but I ask if she can do just one. She climbs on top of me and willingly does them. I only do a few and always stop before she asks. We do the startle with her on top of me to. We have scheduled "snuggle time" at the end. Today, I pulled up our shirts and we had belly time with our bare bellies touchig one another. She tolerated this very well. A BIT practitioner is coming to my area and I'm considering trying it out. I would love to see how the listening program is doing before I add in another thing. The listening program is very promising, so I would love to hold off. That way, I'll be able to tell which program does what. How do you know what to do more of if you are doing several things at once? If I had all the money in the world, I guess it wouldn't matter, just do more of all of it. I'm still battling with the school to allow her in a VPK program. The good news is that we have been 100% faithful to the NR program. I didn't think we would get there, but here we are! Yipee! I hope we can stick with it.

Sickness Slowdown

We had several days of sickness, so we got nothing done. We're back now and it's such a struggle. The OT said she is weak and should spend more time on her belly. This is the first I heard of that. Is that why it's so hard for her to tummy crawl? S still isn't back to her normal mood since being sick, so we'll just see how it goes. She started the listening program yesterday, I'm so excited to start. I'll try to write down any changes I see. The OT said she will be more emotional for a couple of weeks while her brain adjusts. This is the attachment and bonding CD. The OT mentioned skipping something because she was an 'orphan' Does anyone else cringe when they hear someone call their child that?

I have her back!

I have my darling, pleasant daughter back! Tonight we did our exercises late, it could have been a disaster, but it was a breeze. We didn't do as much belly crawling as usual, but that was because she doing such an amazing job of doing it so well. She again asked if we were going to do the fetals, so I laid her ontop of me and we did ONE together. She was willing to do more but I knew better than to try that. I took a big risk adding it in, but since she was expecting it, or rather probably making sure we weren't going to do it, I thought I would try one. We finished and I asked her for a big hug. She willingly gave me one, and I kept her there for as long as I could. We hugged tightly again, and we shared kisses. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. It was a huge success today. She has been in an extra good mood since finishing. I spoke with Bette today and I feel so much better. On the other hand, I have some horrible news about something that happened at school. The OT and teacher spoke and it seems that they have forgotten all I told them in the beginning about sensory integration disorder. They have been treating her just like any kid and that her behavior is all under her control. Hopefully too much damage hasn't been done and we can end the year on a good note. It's always such a risk to allow others to be with your child. My older 3 children were pretty shy, and I felt it was a risk with them. One of my kid's 3rd grade teachers was mentally abusive to my poor little girl. They were vulnerable, but my littlest is the most vulnerable. If I have time and don't ruin my keyboard with my tears while trying to write about it, I will attempt to tell the story. Right now, the school system is trying to coerce me to start S in kindergarten in the fall. Let's see, a child who isn't completely potty trained and doensn't eat in school all day by herself? Even after knowing that, they still suggested it as a good idea. Are they insane? I mean, really?!?!?

A Better Day

Yesterday we didn't do any of our program until right before bed. We never do this because she is too tired and crawling used to get her wired and not ready for bed. When we finished everything, she asked if we were going to do the fetals(she described them by motion). I said no, and she popped up and went downstairs. Overall, it was a good day, she was almost back to normal. We will wait to hear from Bette. For now, fetals are out until further notice. We go to OT this morning and hopefully start the listening program.

Help!

Hi Bette,.

I really need your help. Today was the worst day we've had since coming home. S never throws tantrums, rarely cries, and is a happy child. Her frustration and behavior have been escalating, and today it all let loose. She is like someone who is trying to get out of her body. She tells me she is frustrated. She hit herself in the head, pulled out her hair bow and hair tie, pulled her hair, and cried and screamed. She wouldn't listen for anything all day. I tried every tactic I know and nothing worked. I let her scream and cry to help release her frustration. Since I found a way to do the fetals, we did a few yesterday, but only a few since you said we should probably not do them if she resists. When she was at her worst today, I had flashbacks and realized this happened before. As I remember, it was in response to fetals. So I will stop until I hear from you. There have been some significant notations the past couple of days, and I sent you a couple of emails regarding this a day or two ago. They will give you the whole picture. We can't go on this way, I can't see her this troubled. If she has to go through this at some point, then she will have to do it at a slower pace because it is destroying both of us. I am as frustrated as her.


I will add some thoughts to this. What a horrible few days it's been. Today I vaguely recalled this happening before when we did fetals. It was so long ago, and as always, I am quick to forget things once we've gotten past them. Since these behaviors were so short lived, I wanted to forget them as soon as possible. Today at Chinese class, we were combined with S and her sisters class. There were parents there who had an adopted daughter. They couldn't help but stare in disbelief at her behavior. Screaming, throwing, not cooperating, a real nightmare. They weren't giving me any horrible looks, but it was hard to see her stared at like that. Today at church, the quiet room was crowded. There is a boy who has what I think is autism. He doesn't speak, and his behavior is not the best. His mother is a saint, she is the kind of mother I wish I were. She is so good with him, so patient and loving. It takes a lot of guts to brave the ignorant people who stare and don't understand. the problem is that S appears to be quite average by most accounts, so when her behavior declines, it looks like she is a brat and I'm just a bad mother. It's so unfair to her to be judged like that. No, I don't like it either, but I'm the adult, I'm suppoesed to be able to handle it. I guess I have failed on that one.

Something New

S devised a new way to do a difficult pattern. How smart of her to think of the perfect solution to a big problem. She has been reluctant to do the homologous stretch, it's one of the fetal patterns. So as I was showing her sister what to do with S's legs, she climbed up ontop of me. I realized that if I move her arms and move my own legs, that her legs will do what they are supposed to. After the demonstration, she spontaneously said, "Love mommy and daddy." I proceeded to do them with her ontop of me. After we were finished, I turned her over so we could snuggle. She is normally pretty resistant to that, but today she was much more cooperative. Today was a pretty easy day as far as getting the work done. she hated the homolaterals. I absolutely can't stand forcing her through these. It just doesn't feel right to have negativity surrounding this.

Some Videos

I took some videos to show our level of frustration. For those of you stuggling with cooperation, this will make you laugh. Someday, I'll be able to look back and laugh too. In case you can't understand what she said in the bottom video, she says, "Mom, I'm not going to do this!" The first video shows her flying through the homolateral pattern which is the wrong way to do it. I would love her to blow through them at that pace, all by herself, but it wouldn't be worth much. I have to manually start her head turn and make sure she brushes her hand against the floor on the way down.

FRUSTRATED

I probably should wait to calm down before writing but it has been a stressful week. We are having quite a bit of resistance to the program and I have had enough pleading, coercing, punishing and whatever else to get things done. Yesterday my older daughter helped and it was a breeze. Mom just can't get exciting enough to make it fun. S has been using the excuse she is scared to do her 'exercises.' One day, while we were doing the patterns that were assigned pre-reeval, we clapped at the end when she finished because she was so cooperative. Clapping has just recently started bothering her again. We kept promising her we wouldn't clap at the end and could finally convince her to do them. So I have been thinking the scared response is a delay tactic. She has started using, "I'm hungry", and several others. I tell her she needs to get her work done and then I will give her what she wants. So today I was doing the fetals, which she is very resisitant to, and she stopped after several and said she didn't want to do them. I asked why and she said she was scared. I asked why she was scared and said she didn't want to do them. I asked her why she didn't want to do them and she said they made her sad. That was a first! She rarely talks about any emotion, so I was really surprised to hear her say sad. Then she said she was sad because she couldn't do them. When we were doing these, I was moving her arms and she did her legs. When I put her hands near her ears, she pushed my hands tightly against her head and wanted me to squeeze her head. She used to want me to squeeze her head a long time ago because she needed the sensory input. Then I got to thinking that these were fetals. I don't know where they come in the order of pre-birthing, but it made me wonder if they happen right before birth and her wanted me to squeeze was what she felt during childbirth. This might be a stretch, but it is quite the coincidence. Since she was probably a preemie, maybe these patterns happened right before she was born. I'm going to ask when these actually occur in-utero. Still, an interesting observation. We were told we could back off of these or discontinue, but I give them a try each day to see how many I can get in. Since it's all becoming a struggle anyway, might as well do as much as we can.

Our OT is going to try the theraputic listening program with S. I can't wait to start as I think it is the missing piece of the puzzle. We just got some terrible news about the VPK program. They are saying S is ineligible because she will be too old. I thought schools wanted kids to start later now? Everyone, I mean everyone, is questioning why I want to start her late. I am stressed at the fighting I need to do. Now I need to deal with more people who just don't get it and want to blame everything on me. I'm so worn out.