A Minor Detail-or maybe not so minor

So tonight I was putting S to bed and I forgot I needed to change her sheets. I changed the sheets but not the pillowcase, because I had just changed it a couple of days ago. Her diaper leaked through, so that's why her sheets needed to be changed after only a day or 2. Normally, her pillow just gets tossed out of the bed, mainly for entertainment, so who thought it matteered anyway? The past couple of weeks, I noticed she neatly arranges her pillow on the bed. I thought this was a little strange, but she changes her routines all of the time. Back to tonight-I have only 2 different pillowcases that I use for her bed, one is solid pink(the one that was on the pillow), the other has a dog pattern on it. After I put her in bed, she was asking for the doggie pillow. I wouldn't have thought in a million years that she noticed the pillowcase. For the last year, she hasn't even used a pillow. This brings something horrible to mind. I had read a story long ago about a girl who had attachment problems. She was older, and one day she burst into tears and told her mother that she was sad that she gave away her baby bouncer. I am a saver of all kinds of things, particularly sentimental things. I have gotten S so many toys, most of them thrift store finds. As I did with my other kids, I always took cues from them about their abilities and interests, and got them appropriate toys, games, etc. So with S at such a disadvantage, I have gotten her more than most kids to help her catch up and develop. This leads me to the dilemma, what to get rid of? If she noticed the pillowcase, is she wondering where some of her old toys have gone? With a child who has had their life disrupted as she has, does she worry about what will stay and what will go? I'm talking about toys, people, her house? I just don't know the answer to that. I try to keep a toy that I'm going to get rid of out of sight for a while. That way if she should ask for it, I have hung onto it. How long before it's safe to get rid of? I wish I knew. Tonight I've discovered that she notices things I don't realize, so I need to re-think our daily life.

It's New Year's Eve!

Wow, what a year it's been. We have seen amazing progress, and that's something to celebrate! I just sat down for dinner with my little darling. Not very eventful for most people, but for us, it's an amazing accomplishment. First of all, S is sitting in her booster chair instead of my lap. Two days ago, she asked me to identify a slab of play jelly and a slice of bread. After I told her, I asked her if she wanted to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She said yes, so I excitedly went and made her a half of a sandwich. Much to my surprise, she ate it and loved it! So tonight, she sat next to me and proceeded to eat 3/4 of a pb&j sandwich, along with several animal crackers. She even pretended to drink out of her sippy cup. I actually think she got a drop or 2 into her mouth and she didn't panic. Her speech is amazing and her vocabulary is remarkable. She pretended to 'read' a book and kept using the word 'corporation'. It was hilarious. We think she must have gotten that from watching PBS. She really picks up on everything, so I just use an adult vocabulary around her now. She still isn't able to communicate with us like we would like, but I'm not so sure it's because of her inability to do so. I decided it was safe to assume she knows and understands much more than she lets on. I didn't want to limit her capacity by questioning her ability. So far, it hasn't backfired on me. Even her eyes seem to work a little bit more together than they used to. Her left eye used to look in a different direction and her 2 eyes didn't align. I have been feeding her in the cradle position for about 5 months now, and it has had measurable results. We plan to attend a conference given by Denise Best in February. I also plan to consult with her for an assessment. We need more fine tuning these days than a major overhaul but it seems each day we have something new to work on. S has developed a habit of throwing things and occasionally hitting. I hold her hands next to her and tell her no hitting. Sometimes this leads to her using her feet then her head. This progresses to a full body restrain, which is very effective. I tell her what she's done wrong then after 30 seconds or less of protest, I ask if she's ready to be good and not do 'whatever' anymore. Now, after a week or 2 of that, she almost immediately starts repeating over and over, "Be good, be good", and then I let her go. If she hurts someone, I'll make her say she's sorry. This method is working very well, although I know impulse control is very difficult for her. I've read so much about kids showing a violent side, it's going to be really hard for me to handle that if S exhibits that side for a long time. The hardest part will be for me to know she has those feeling inside of her, she has always been such a sweet child. She is always so happy too, despite her inability to do so many things that other kids her age do. I would rather have her stay happy than to trade that for being developmentally on target. You just can't beat happy. Her joy spreads to me and her whole family, and we love that part of her. She can't help put a smile on your face. Speaking of smiling, I got the best present just a few days before Christmas. I was talking on the phone, and she was cruising around the kitchen in her little cozy coupe car. Out of the blue, she asked me for a hug. I leaned down through the bars of the car to get to her and she gave me a hug. Then the best surprise of all, she said, "I love you!" That's the first time she's ever said that. You know, it was worth waiting over 2 years to hear that, because I know she did it unprompted. I know so many kids who are little robots and can regurgitate everything they are taught, but what do they know on their own? Especially with adopted kids that may have attachment problems, how do you know they are feeling it or just saying it? I know S is very repetitive, and the things she says on her own I know are real for this very reason. It was such a special gift to me, just like my first real kiss! Another accomplishment that was noteworthy was that she actually responded to someone she didn't know. All of the time, she ignores all people, and will not even respond yes or no. We can barely get responses from her. She loves to talk, but not to respond to us or anyone else. She was at the dentist with her sister and I, a place she's not comfortable with. She sat in the hygenists chair with her sister, which really surprised me. Then, at the end, she actually opened her mouth so the hygenist could see her teeth. She didn't let her anywhere near her, but opening her mouth was huge!!!! Then, she actually answered a couple of questions. I can't believe she is 3 and a half already, she has grown so much. In a little over 2 years, she has grown more than 8 inches and gained 12 pounds. She has overcome some fears and developed at least as many if not more than she had. She is pretty much over her repetitive stage, and she sings all of the time. Unfortunately, she's knows the theme songs to some shows that her big sister watches. Good that she knows the songs, but bad that they are the I Carly theme song and stupid shows like that. She immediately bounces into action when she hears Beyonce's All the Single Ladies. She also knows the new line dance song by Hannah Montana. Such is the life of a 3 year old with 3 big sisters. It could be worse. She's a girl who likes Disney Princesses as much as her Hot Wheels cars. She loves books, and is learing a little bit of Chinese. Some days are full of promise, others full of despair. I know I'm looking forward to 2010, and hope to be through with all of our therapies and onto enjoying all that life has to offer. My little girl has come so far, and has a long way yet to travel. We get through it, one day at a time, and we'll try to enjoy the hard parts as much as the easy ones. I'm grateful for learning about NR and not settling for the limitations of therapies available in my area. I'm looking forward to a year full of accomplishments.

November 23, 2009

At our last evaluation, we were given a set of movements to get rid of a primitive reflex. The good news is that they are brief and that S loves them. We are at such an amazing place developmentally, I am feeling really omtimistic that we will close the gap sooner than later. We are having more success eating, a little more variety, quite a bit more quantity. Behavior is improving, although we are going through a stage of throwing. She is still having a problem with sound, it seems to be magnified. She can hear a train whistle from miles away and is scared. She spends a good amount of time being randomly scared. Actually, it's a tiny portion of her day, but somedays, it feels like it's a good part of her day. I hope this passes with time and therapy. S is obsessed with having a certain door shut in the house. She goes from one obsession to another, but I don't think it's really a problem. The good thing is that every time we take her away from our house for a couple of days, she always makes great strides from being stretched beyond her comfort zone. This is where there is a parenting problem. As her mother, I feel it's my job to protect her from the world. It is extremely difficult for me to purposely take her out of her comfort zone just to face her fears. This is why I liked going to OT. I was there to protect her, and the OT was the bad guy who scared her with new things. How does an adoptive parent who is constantly building trust accomplish this? You don't have to be an adoptive parent to worry about this, but it is much harder for an adoptive parent. With your children born to you, they pretty much trust you from day one, you don't have to constantly reinforce it. I have worked so hard on trust, and after 2 years, she still doesn't trust me completely. She does run to me for comfort, it took nearly a year and a half to get there. Although I believe my child is the most joyful child I've ever encountered, I wonder how much more she could enjoy life without her obstacles to overcome. We are bonding stronger than most I feel, because conquering your fears together is almost like being in a war zone together. I love our life together, with all the good and the bad.

NR re-evaluation

We had our NR re-evaluation on Saturday. I was very pleased with the results. We have a new set of things to do, along with some old. I honestly can't wait to get rid of the ugly crawling mat that has been a part of our lives and floors since February of this year. We have come so far since February, even with some breaks along the way. We are in this until the end, whenever that might be. As we progress, new things seems to take over with their level of importance. This therapy is definitely not for people who can't go with the flow. Although it's good to be rigid with a schedule to get things done, you have to be so in tune to what may surface as the therapy goes on. We had some big emotional changes with some of the movements, so now we have to deal with that. It's actually a good thing, but a change from what we had. So here we are, armed with a new protocol and new hope for positive changes.

The rant of a non-conformist mother..

I am a self admitted non-conformist from way back, I can't deny that. I have changed that to a certain degree for my children's sake. I do what it takes to make sure that they fit in so that they can function in society. After all, unless we are independently wealthy, we have to interact with people on a daily basis. It's not that I don't like people, I just I don't like to deal with the 'stuff' sometimes, like silly rules that make no sense. For example, we were in a thrift store and S didn't have shoes on. Her daddy was carrying her, so it didn't matter. He put her down for a minute, and the crabby lady said, "Where's your shoes?" I thought she was kidding until she told us stupid parents that there was a sign that said they weren't supposed to allow anyone in without shoes. She explained that if everyone came in without shoes, their carpets would get so dirty, they would have to clean them all of the time. We searched for the sign on the way out of the store, but couldn't find one anywhere. Now I pride myself on keeping my kids clean. I challenge that stupid lady to find one person whose shoe bottom was cleaner than my daughter's bare foot.

My family thinks I'm too sensitive about comments, and maybe I am, but does that make it okay that people make rude and insulting comments? I've heard so many China comments already, I'm getting used to them. I realize all of these comments out there are made out of ignorance, and I treat the people who make them accordingly. I've never been rude, only correct them and educate them. My perspective has changed since having a child with developmental delay, sensory processing disorder, and possible attachment issues. Raising her has been very different. We have joined a gymnastics class, mommy and me of course for her protection. This last class she hated, she was scared and cried. We had stupid comment #1 right away form teacher-Most kids are scared of X, not Y, that's really strange. No, what is strange is that she thinks all kids are the same. Then we have well meaning dad having his daughter demonstrate something for S. He thinks the old intimidation trick will work for her. Come on, don't ya want to do what she is doing? ALL kids like to climb. Well, I guess my kid isn't like ALL kids. Actually, she does love to climb, dangerously high because her eyes don't work together yet and she doesn't know how high she is. She loves to swing and spin because she can be sensory seeking. But then the sensory avoiding behavior can take over in an instant, making her petrified of moving. She hates fans, especially when they blow up a giant inflatable toy that appears from nothing in minutes. I left this place upset and confused, wondering if my daughter would someday be able to "conform", so she could enjoy what other kids do. Then I got to thinking, "Why do we need to conform when she's 3 years old?" Well, I guess it would be nice so she could be with other kids in a preschool setting someday. It would be nice for her to be able to take a dance class someday. Someday she'll realize that her friends do things she doesn't and want to do them too. I hope by then, she'll have that option. But then I think about where we are today. She is the happiest child on this earth. When I can control her environment, she doesn't have to be scared, and I'm there to protect her. I can control her exposure to help her overcome her SPD, which we need to actively work on. We can be happy together when we aren't trying to conform, why should we bother? Right now I don't want to fit in with the world, we are happy where we are. We are working on correcting her issues through NR, these things take time. So I'm thinking about how nice it would be to enjoy life without having to deflect hurtful comments.

On another note, I've recently had to deal with many people making comments about China. If they would only stop and think about what they said. If I had a child from India or Guatemala, would you come up to me and tell me how inferior the country is, or even their political problems? Thanks for knowing a tidbit of info about another country, but if it is slamming my child's birth country, then keep it to yourself. Sensitive? Yes, and can you tell me why I should be insensitive? I don't want anyone slamming my country, nor any country I happen to have any connection with. I want to defend everything, but I usually stay silent because such a level of ignorance is hard to educate. I can't even begin to understand why someone thinks I want to hear how bad China and their people are. Maybe they think they need to make them the bad guy for making children available for international adoption. But then that really demonizes parents everywhere for giving up a child for adoption. If they listened to the truth about why people had to surrender their children in China, they might keep their mouths shut. If we had a one child policy in this country, there would be lines at the abortion clinics and more babies available for adoption than parents to take them. So what would the world say about us? Why are we the better country because we abort our babies? I keep thinking that it's my job to educate to protect my daughter and save "educated" people from sounding so stupid. Some days I want to live on an island and just enjoy life without stupid comments. Time to go play with my wonderful, happy, joyful daughter who brings unlimited joy to people who can forget their expectations and truly enjoy her.

Experience the miracle of NR

I decided to take a short video of my little darling dancing. You have to know the history to really comprehend the joy of seeing this. S has always enjoyed music since the day we met her. I brought a wind up musical toy to China with us and she loved it. From the day we got home, I have always played some kind of music for her. She had a toy attached to her bed that played 6 or 7 different classical tunes. She learned how each tune started so quickly, that she would press the button multiple times to get to her favorite song. She would recognize that it was one she wanted of didn't want by just a single note or two. The thing that I found more intriguing was that she didn't move her body to the music at all. I gave her some time, thinking she just wasn't used to the concept of music, but that movement came very naturally to every baby. She never once even tapped a finger or foot to the beat, no movement at all, even though she clearly enjoyed music and could easily identify songs. I can't remember how soon after starting NR that she started moving, but it wasn't very long at all. It started off with her just wiggling a little sitting down. Now we just started NR 7 months ago, with a 2 month or so break in the middle. I would have to say that even if the success the video shows was the only thing NR did for us, it would be worth it. But if you read a couple posts back, you'll know we have accomplished much more than that. I believe that NR unlocked her ability to fully integrate the music, there is no other explanation. You don't just start moving to the music after a year and a half of being exposed to it. Hopefully after seeing this video, if there is anyone reading this that doubts NR's effectiveness, you will be convinced.

I hope this is a permanent thing!

Wow, 2 great experiences to report. I had to take S to the doctor with her sister. This is notoriously a place where we have a long appt. We were already there almost 2 hours when we found out that we needed to be there at least another 30-45 minutes. She had been so well behaved so far, but we had already been there long enough for me to go crazy. We were in the exam room and the dr was asking sister some questions. S was talking loudly, and the dr asked me to "keep her down" so he could hear sister. She wasn't being loud, this particular dr is very crabby and should never be working with kids. (he is a pediatric specialist dr) I told her she had to whisper if she needed to talk. She proceeded to whisper to me for the next 10 minutes! I was shocked that she could keep in control that long. At church, we have to go to the quiet room because she gets too loud and active. This was so big for us, and I thought it was a one time deal. 3 days later(yesterday), we were at church. Occasionally, we start out in the main part of the church and I move to the quiet room when she gets loud. We never had to move yesterday, she was so quiet and well behaved. She did a lot of imitating of me, she has been watching my every move. I attribute this to attachment. Over the past approx 2 months, I have been feeding her in the cradle position and insisting on eye contact as much as possible. I think this has made a difference and it makes me wish I had insisted on it sooner. The problem is, and you already know this if you've been reading from the beginning, is that the bottle is her only source of calories. She has always been so defiant and uncomfortable in that position, that I never forced it because I needed her to eat. She is only 24 pounds at over 3 years old. She gets plenty of calories, I think she'd be this size even if she ate all solids. But still, I didn't feel I could force the issue when eating was so important. I can't beat myself up for it, because things may not have been any different anyway. I know other adoptive parents who have bottle fed in the cradle position and still have bigger attachment issues. I never thought our attachment was bad, and I still don't, but I do know it still needs work. I guess doing NR therapy has made things a little more clear. Once we work on some things and they get better, other issues come into light. This is all a multi-faceted process anyway, but working on more than one thing at a time is always beneficial. When I started NR this past February, we had to tackle the biggest thing first and move on from there. I've said this many times before, but it is worth repeating. I am so grateful for the extent of S's needs, because if not for the severity, I would have never found her the proper help this early. I hope I have saved her harder work when she is older and I hope that I am giving her to framework to have the most opportunities open to her. She is one amazing child and I am so priviledged to be her mother.

Recap of Progress

At the bottom is my list of goals from February. In a little over 6 months, there have been tremendous changes.

She now responds most of the time when I call her name. We still get ignored some of the time, but for the most part, we get her to look. When she first came home, we thought she ignored because of the language barrier. Then we thought she could have had a hearing problem. We ruled that out quickly, but didn't know why she ignored us.

One of the most puzzling things was that she didn't call us mama or dada. She was certainly capable of saying the words, she already had for a while. She just didn't connect with us enough to call us by name. This changed very quickly after starting NR. Now she calls me mom all of the time because she hears her sisters calling me that.

Personal space-hmmm, we're still working on this one, although it's getting better.

She seems to be a little more aware of dangerous situations, but is still a little reckless. Her eyes are not yet totally working together, so this makes her depth perception a problem. If you can't tell if you are 1 foot in the air or 10, then I think you would tend to take risks.

Sensitive to hot or cold-She hasn't been outside in the cold weather because we haven't had any! She did know when the bath water was too hot coming out of the spout, otherwise, she hasn't had any exposure.

Move to music-this is probably the biggest change. This is a child who loves music from day 1. I am big into music exposure for kids. She has listened to all kinds of classical music, as well as traditional Chinese and English kids songs. She can recognize songs with one or 2 notes, so she has an ear for music, so not moving a muscle to music was very bizzare. NR unlocked that for her. One day, not long after starting NR, she moved her little body to music. Now, she dances all around the room and moves her whole body! What a pleasure to see her physically enjoying the music she loves. I just can't wait until her body and brain are fully connected so she can enjoy everything she loves to the fullest.

Toothbrush-this is a wonderful one! We are finally able to brush her teeth!!!! This has been a huge concern of mine. A child with such an extreme case of oral defensiveness does not need dental problems at a later age. Imagine not wanting someone in your mouth and then needing extensive dental work. I wouldn't want her to have anesthesia at such a young age just to work in her mouth. Hopefully it's not too late for her to avoid decay. Her teeth are beautiful and white with no buildup, that is a miracle after going so long with no brushing. Yesterday was the first day that I really felt like I got a complete brushing in, how exciting.

Her fearfulness of loud noises or toys had diminished somewhat. She is still scared of loud noises and tried to climb up my leg when she is caught off guard. The good thing is that she knows where to go for comfort and is able to be comforted. She can even say she is scared or afraid. In her words, 'gared' and 'fraid'

She is still sensitive to clothing textures, but is getitng a little better. She can sometimes be distracted to tolerate it, but eventually tries to take off the offending item.

She is sticking a little closer instead of wandering off. She will at least turn around to see where we are. She doesn't have much opportunity to run off, we are always with her. I'd love to be able to test her in this situation to see when she realizes she's alone, but I don't have a safe place for that.

She still won't put a cup or straw in her mouth, but she's getting close. Sometimes I force her a bit just to see that it's safe. She's okay with that.

She will point to objects in a book now. This has expanded our reading possibilities greatly. She isn't always cooperative, but she's allowed to be a 3 year old.

She is learning compassion, although she is still puzzled when someone gets huts from something she's done. The other day, I tripped over something and hurt my toe. I made a big deal about it because it really hurt, but still went into the other room. She was in my room with her daddy when it happened. I didn't know until I returned a few minutes later that she had repeated endlessly, "You hurt your toe? You hurt your toe?" while recreating the incident for her daddy. When I came back into the room, she came up to me and wanted to kiss my boo-boo. She is role playing a bit with a doll now and acting very nurturing. That is very nice to see.

Eye contact is improving, although there is a general disconnect with the world. Sometimes, she'll look me right in the eyes and tell me a little story. I can't understand a lot of it, but she'll rattle off a string a sentences to me. I make her look at me, and she will do what I tell her 99% of the time if I insist on eye contact. I'm hoping to talk to an attachment therapist to see if we need to see one or not. I think a session or two would help us a lot and be a good companion to our NR therapy. We will go for another re-eval in November, I'm very excited to see where we are, how much time is left, and what else needs to be done.

I think the main thing we need to work on is sensory for eating and self regulation. I think a bit of attachment work will solidify her connection to us and the world, and make her want to join the rest of the world. She really doesn't believe it's a safe place, so she stays in her own world that she knows. she is very slow to let her guard down, but slowly she is learning that we are there to protect her. I look forward to a bright future with my amazing daughter. I can't wait for her to be comfortable in this world and show us what she's made of. Watch out world, she is soon to make a grand entrance!





Thursday, February 5, 2009
My List
Here's my list of things my daughter does or doesn't do that I hope to help with our NR therapy:

Ignores when I call her name.
Doesn't call us by name-mama and dada
We need her to eat more solid food and allow to be spoon fed
Show more affection
Give other little kids too big hugs, doesn't respect personal space
Not aware of dangerous situations
Isn't sensitive to hot or cold
Doesn't move to music
Won't allow a toothbrush in her mouth
Fearful of vibrating toys or toys that are too loud
Sensitive to clothing textures
Wanders away without looking back
Won't try a cup or straw
Won't point to objects in book
Doesn't realize when she hurts someone
Need more eye contact

September 8th, 2009

We've been having a lot of obsessive behavior lately, it's got me concerned a bit. I'm waiting for a call from Bette to talk about it. On the other hand, she has had her hand and fingers exploring her mouth area. She never touches her mouth with anything, but I've noticed she has her hands and even some objects touching her mouth and lips. She still can't spit things out, so she can't eat anything that won't eventually dissolve in her mouth. She loves popcorn, but she collects the parts that don't dissolve in her mouth and I have to fish it out. The good thing is that I can now brush all of her teeth now. I'm so happy about that. If you know anyone who has a problem with a toothbrush, I highly recommend the Wisp toothbrush. It's a disposable toothbrush made by Colgate and it's super small. You have to take the ball of toothpaste out of the middle though, it's way too strong for a child. We're making baby steps of progress, but it's progress just the same. I think we are on the verge of something big, and that some of the behavior is her staying in a familiar comfort zone because there's a bit of fear associated with going forward. She is very cooperative in her therapy for the most part. I've been holding her like a baby for bottle feedings and trying to maintain eye contact. This can be challenging, but it's working out. Since feeding has always been an issue, I never insisted on the cradle position, but I think I probably should have. I'd really like to know if establishing trust from the point of adoption is more or less important to theraputic parenting techniques. I guess you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I really am beginning to think that attachment is the source of S's disconnect with the world. She stays in her safe mode and avoids contact with adults. She is very comfortable with kids, but not adults. She doesn't respond to them when they come up to her and talk to her, but if they talk to me for a few minutes, she accepts them as safe and will give them a big hug. I don't think it's the indescriminate affection from a child with attachment disorder or RAD, because from what I have read, they do it immediately, and not wait to check them out. I wish I had all of the answers to this complicated issue. That's all for today.

Interesting Detail

Yesterday we went to our local library for story time. S has been to this library before, but it's been a long time since we've been there. Now when we got her, she stared up at the lights in the room. We thought she'd never seen overhead lights before, so she was fascinated by them. This wasn't an isolated event, the light staring obsession lasted a long time. The frequency and intensity lessened, but she'll still do it. I began to wonder why a child would be obsessed with lights. Since she has sensory processing problems, I thought it might have been sensory seeking behavior. I got to thinking about it and remembered reading a long time ago about near death experiences. One of the common experiences was seeing a bright light that was very pleasant to look at, even though it was very bright. They were drawn to the light as they were dying. As they were being revived, they felt like they were being pulled away from the light and that they didn't want to, it was such an experience of pure joy and love. It may be a far fetched theory that S may have been through a near death experience, but she was born prematurely. I think this can be established as fact because of her weight at 2 days old. The records say she was 3-4 pounds. Even severely malnourished mothers give birth to near normal weight babies. This weight puts her at least 6-8 weeks premature. If she were born in this country, she would have spent time in a hospital. Her nanny said she was never hospitalized, but there were people who thought she wouldn't survive because of her size. Her neurological profile is in sync with this possibility. Anyway, the reason I mention this is because when we were at the library yesterday, S looked up at the lights and was staring at them and not paying attention to the story. Later, she said she was scared of the lights. I don't know why she is suddenly afraid of lights. The strange thing is that she wants the light on when she goes to sleep. I have to wait to turn it off when she is asleep. Since resuming NR after our summer slack, she hasn't wanted to go in her bed. She used to cry, now only protests a little. She seems fine if I hold her and talk to her for a few minutes, then she willingly goes in her bed. I don't know if NR is stirring up some emotions that she doesn't know how to deal with. She can tell me she's afraid, but I don't know how many more emotions she can put words too. She doesn't mention happy or sad, or any other emotion, pleasant or not. I hope that her lack of ability to express emotions doesn't hurt her. It seems most of the people doing NR are older and can communicate. I'll have to ask Bette this one......She has also told me that she's afraid of a light upstairs. She finally pointed to our smoke detector. None of it makes sense to me, but I'm sure it makes complete sense to her. I wish I could get inside her head to figure her out.