Someone woke up so excited that the tooth fairy has visited last night. She went to bed very late last night, so I thought she would be sluggish. She was so incredibly excited and full of energy.
Yesterday, I asked her to watch the video of her adoption and she said she didn't want to. She said there were 'sad' parts. She didn't answer me what the sad parts were. She understands that she got 'a new mommy and daddy' that day. Yes, there were some sad parts indeed...
Monday, September 10, 2012
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Teeth
Well, to commemorate the 5th anniversary of her adoption(coincidently), S lost her front tooth today! Just when I was writing about how fast they come out, it just fell out today. The other two are only a week or two away, how exciting. She was upset that there was a little blood, but then exclaimed, "The tooth fairy is coming tonight!"
Habits
I forgot to mention the throat clearing habit has vanished. It happened either right before or right after school started. However, it has been replaced by a sniffing habit. She also has a really loose front tooth, of which she cannot wiggle using her tongue. I sort of feel like a neglectful parent because I have never taken her anywhere to have her limited tongue movement treated. It's not like we haven't been treating a million other things. Her speech is as clear as an adult, so it is not affecting her speech. She can eat enough to grow, so it's not affecting her health. But, it is something she should be able to do, it could be the reason she is not able to eat certain foods. I got a referral from the pediatrician just a couple of days ago for a speech therapist that can work on feeding. I have hesitated to make this move because food and her mouth is such a sensitive area and I don't want her to be re-traumatized. I also found out it is not covered by insurance. I can't afford $400/month, that's what it will cost for 1x/week. I told my husband, I'm not going to pay that to watch them blow bubbles with her. I may go for an eval to see what I can find out.
I have never seen a child lose teeth as fast as her. The first 2 got wiggly and were out 2 days later. I know they weren't at all loose before then because I brush her teeth. This top one is taking a little longer, but I don't think it's been a week yet and it's almost dangling. The good thing is that it doesn't seem to bother her. The 2 adjacent teeth to that one are also getting loose, so she could have 3 missing on top. Maybe it's a good thing she can't reach it with her tongue, she's constantly be feeling the huge gap with it. I am excited for Halloween. When her older sister was around this age, she had lost teeth this time of year. I carved her pumpkin to match her missing teeth. I am so excited to do this for S. It looks like the timing of her tooth loss with cooperate.
We haven't been to the dentist yet, she just isn't ready. But, I had an idea and I think it's going to work. I asked my hygenist if she would loan me some of the instruments she uses to get her used to them. She happily obliged and I started using them. After the first time, S announced she was ready for me to make an appt!!!! I told her we needed a little more practice and then we would go. I am going to take her when I go next month and see how she does. It might help to have 3 less teeth to clean anyway!
I have never seen a child lose teeth as fast as her. The first 2 got wiggly and were out 2 days later. I know they weren't at all loose before then because I brush her teeth. This top one is taking a little longer, but I don't think it's been a week yet and it's almost dangling. The good thing is that it doesn't seem to bother her. The 2 adjacent teeth to that one are also getting loose, so she could have 3 missing on top. Maybe it's a good thing she can't reach it with her tongue, she's constantly be feeling the huge gap with it. I am excited for Halloween. When her older sister was around this age, she had lost teeth this time of year. I carved her pumpkin to match her missing teeth. I am so excited to do this for S. It looks like the timing of her tooth loss with cooperate.
We haven't been to the dentist yet, she just isn't ready. But, I had an idea and I think it's going to work. I asked my hygenist if she would loan me some of the instruments she uses to get her used to them. She happily obliged and I started using them. After the first time, S announced she was ready for me to make an appt!!!! I told her we needed a little more practice and then we would go. I am going to take her when I go next month and see how she does. It might help to have 3 less teeth to clean anyway!
Friday, September 7, 2012
Okay, Seriously Now...
So this morning the assistant teacher tells my husband they are watching Ice Age this afternoon. My older daughter remembered that the story is about a baby being lost from it's parents and the animals help him find them again. Of all story lines, it had to be that. I put in a call to the teacher and they didn't make it sound too promising that they would get her the message. I decided to call the school again and tell them that I needed to know what time they were watching so I could either take her home or possibly watch it with her. They were very accomodating and said they were watching at 2:15. I went early and met up with the assistant. She immediately started to tell me all of the personal mishaps in her life that week and why that prevented her from getting me the movie list. She then tells me that she only shows G rated movies, apparently she didn't notice this one was rated PG. I started to tell her why the story line was an issue and it was completely lost on her. I tried to tell her that she would never know if it bothered S because she hides it so well. Then the big thing-they started watching LAST WEEK!!!!!! The worst part of it she had to watch alone!!! I can't remember the movie details, but I can pretty much bet that the baby cried when it was separated from his parents. She always reacts to a baby crying. I started to think of ways to help them understand and I think I have some examples they can relate to. Have you ever been scared at a horror film? Cried at a romance? We are adults and know the films are fiction, yet they are able to illicit a huge emotional response from the viewers. Now imagine you are a child who doesn't understand all of that and has been a victim of trauma? Hopefully they will get it. My 18 year old was attacked by a dog when she was 5. She wondered why she wasn't afraid of dogs after that. I explained to her that she had 2 loving parents who were right there with her to comfort her and help her. My youngest had no one, not for any of it. This is constant re-traumatization. I also read about all of us have some PTSD. I will bring up that example as well. Befre, if we saw unattended luggage at an airpot, we would think nothing of it. Post 9/11, we have our guard up. If there was a bit of commotion on a flight before 9/11, we would have been annoyed, now we are scared we are all going to die. I am hoping these examples will hit home with them and they will be compassionate. I am going to have to confront what happened today, there was really no need for me to find out today that they were on part 2 of a movie I never knew about until it was too late. I keep being optimistic that I won't be fighting for her until she graduates, but I think I'm in this for the long run. AND, I'm in it for her to succeed. I'm all she has and I can never let her down.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
How Much Can I Ask?
I saw something on the news last night about commemorating the anniversary of 9/11. Will they say something about it in school? Can I even ask them not to? Well, I know the answer is yes, but what do I say? They had a tornado drill(I think, based on what S told me), and she has been worried about it ever since. If she has to know about terrorists, I'm not sure she will ever feel safe. Someone on one of my groups brought up that anyone who lived through 9/11 has a bit of PTSD. I definitely agree with that. I don't look at things the same anymore, and a commotion or unattended luggage makes me instantly uneasy and on guard. I think I will use this example when I meet with the school.
Yesterday, S, myself, and my 14 year old were in the car. The radio was on a music station, turned low so we could converse, and my daughter and I were talking. Suddenly, S pipes up and says,"What's it mean, hope to die." Luckily, my daughter recognized that it was part of the lyrics of the song that was on and we explained that is was an expression. I told her that it was like books or movies, you could say anything in a song, but it didn't need to be true. I also told her that they use certain words so they have a rhyme. She was okay with that, but it is amazing that she caught that when it was barely audible. I guess the hypervigilance is still there, maybe she is just better at hiding it : (((((
She worries a lot, and still asks a million questions. She wanted to know who would bury the last person left on Earth. Who thinks about that? She said that she would cry when I died. I thought that was pretty big of her to say that, her emotional vocabulary is getting so much better. I am so grateful for our faith, without it, what would the answers be? No one can make sense out of life, particulary when it's unfair. At least when you believe that someone more powerful has a plan, and that someday we WILL understand, it makes it easier. I remember my life without faith, and it wasn't good, there were no answers, and that was not working out with someone who has almost as many questions as my little darling.
Yesterday, S, myself, and my 14 year old were in the car. The radio was on a music station, turned low so we could converse, and my daughter and I were talking. Suddenly, S pipes up and says,"What's it mean, hope to die." Luckily, my daughter recognized that it was part of the lyrics of the song that was on and we explained that is was an expression. I told her that it was like books or movies, you could say anything in a song, but it didn't need to be true. I also told her that they use certain words so they have a rhyme. She was okay with that, but it is amazing that she caught that when it was barely audible. I guess the hypervigilance is still there, maybe she is just better at hiding it : (((((
She worries a lot, and still asks a million questions. She wanted to know who would bury the last person left on Earth. Who thinks about that? She said that she would cry when I died. I thought that was pretty big of her to say that, her emotional vocabulary is getting so much better. I am so grateful for our faith, without it, what would the answers be? No one can make sense out of life, particulary when it's unfair. At least when you believe that someone more powerful has a plan, and that someday we WILL understand, it makes it easier. I remember my life without faith, and it wasn't good, there were no answers, and that was not working out with someone who has almost as many questions as my little darling.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
First Conference
Things went well today, better in some way than I expected. BUT, I am fired up about a couple of things. I asked the teacher to make an accomodation and she was worried about how the other kids would react if she did something different for my daughter. She also said she has never dealt with a child who had issues with loss like that. Maybe that is a good thing, since she doesn't have a preconceived idea about it. I gave her a letter written by our attachment therapist from last year. It all still applies this year, just with only half the severity.
She had lots of good things to say about her behavior, attentiveness and work habits. She said she is a strict rule follower, no surprise there. When I asked the teacher her overall impression of her she said, "I LOVE her, do I need to say anything more?" She is more likely to do what it takes if she likes her and she is so well behaved. I am very hopeful that things will work out.
She told me a funny story about today. Today was picture day and they were lining up from recess to have their pictures taken. S asked if she could go to the bathroom. Since they are supposed to go during recess or before, the teacher told her when she was supposed to have gone. She then asked if she could hold it. The answer was no. Then she asked if she could wait until after pictures. S's answer was this, "If you want to see yellow running down my leg!" Oh my gosh, gotta love that child. Yes, she was given permission to go.
The scary thing is that the teacher said she is going to have to start using consequences soon for kids who ask to go when it isn't during the suggested times. S potty trained so late, she has the control of kids much younger. If she is punished for asking at the wrong time, I'm not sure what will happen. The teacher also said that we definitely made the right decision to put her in kindergarten. Hopefully she will see that she is emotionally immature and that she needs to be treated by her emotional age and not her chronological age.
She also apologized for the movie selection and a book they read in class. She is going to give me a list of movies that they will potentially watch for the year so I can make sure they are appropriate. I was very happy that she was willing to do this. I think this year will be okay, I just need to carefully plan what I will discuss with her and try to put myself in her shoes. I hope she will do the same for me.
She had lots of good things to say about her behavior, attentiveness and work habits. She said she is a strict rule follower, no surprise there. When I asked the teacher her overall impression of her she said, "I LOVE her, do I need to say anything more?" She is more likely to do what it takes if she likes her and she is so well behaved. I am very hopeful that things will work out.
She told me a funny story about today. Today was picture day and they were lining up from recess to have their pictures taken. S asked if she could go to the bathroom. Since they are supposed to go during recess or before, the teacher told her when she was supposed to have gone. She then asked if she could hold it. The answer was no. Then she asked if she could wait until after pictures. S's answer was this, "If you want to see yellow running down my leg!" Oh my gosh, gotta love that child. Yes, she was given permission to go.
The scary thing is that the teacher said she is going to have to start using consequences soon for kids who ask to go when it isn't during the suggested times. S potty trained so late, she has the control of kids much younger. If she is punished for asking at the wrong time, I'm not sure what will happen. The teacher also said that we definitely made the right decision to put her in kindergarten. Hopefully she will see that she is emotionally immature and that she needs to be treated by her emotional age and not her chronological age.
She also apologized for the movie selection and a book they read in class. She is going to give me a list of movies that they will potentially watch for the year so I can make sure they are appropriate. I was very happy that she was willing to do this. I think this year will be okay, I just need to carefully plan what I will discuss with her and try to put myself in her shoes. I hope she will do the same for me.
Handling Emotions
Last night, we had another emotional outburst. She started saying all sorts of negative things and I just said very little while I was giving her a bath. She said she wanted to just go to sleep with no stories. She got dressed and ready and was half crying the entire time. She started to cry harder and I told her how proud of her I was for letting herself cry. Again, she seemed shocked that I said that and almost stopped crying immediately. I continued to carefully choose my words, but was all positive. After she stopped crying, she was lying down. She told me she wanted to hit herself on the head. The last time she was in ne of these moods, she took my hand and tried to make me hit her on the forehead. I caught on before she did it, because she did it to me before. So I told her she could hit the pillow as much as she wanted because she couldn't hurt the pillow and she might feel better. I was questioning myself if it was good to encourage her to hit something, but it's hard to think it all out when you are in the moment and your child wants to hit herself. She said she didn't want to and threw the pillow. I jumped on that one and said, "Wow, good throw!" I gave her another and asked her to see if she could throw that one farther. She threw it and again I complimented her ability. Luckily we had 4 pillows, so she got 4 throws in rapid succession. She wanted more, so I picked them up and let her throw them again. We repeated this a couple more times and then everything was suddenly okay again. She said to me, "I'm back to being happy." I told her how happy I was that she was feeling good again and how proud I was of her. These episodes wear me out, but I think I handled this one better than in the past. Even though I think about what I should say, sometimes I say the wrong thing, not realizing where it will lead.
Today is conference day and I hope I am ready. I am very fortunate to have consulted with a former teacher and fellow adoptive mom who has coached me from her very experienced perspective.(Thanks EB!) I am a very wordy person, so this is going to be a challenge, but I can do it. At least I think ; )
Today is conference day and I hope I am ready. I am very fortunate to have consulted with a former teacher and fellow adoptive mom who has coached me from her very experienced perspective.(Thanks EB!) I am a very wordy person, so this is going to be a challenge, but I can do it. At least I think ; )
Monday, August 27, 2012
A Quick Note
Last night when we were getting ready to go to bed, S hugged me and said, "I'll miss you while I am at school." I thanked her for telling me that and told her I would miss her too. We had a really nice weekend together and it was back to school this morning. We have next Monday off for Labor Day, so I'm excited t have a short week. We meet with the teacher on Thursday, so I hope I can make my point the right way.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
After School Update
With regard to the movie-I asked her about it when I picked her up and she said to me, "It was scary, but I was brave." That is heartbreaking to me. I told her I was proud of her. When I asked about the scary parts, she changed and said nothing was scary. I left it at that and will talk to the teacher.
Friday, August 24, 2012
2 Weeks of School
I just checked out somehting online and now I'm in a panic. S told me yesterday that they were going to see a movie at school today. I asked the teacher today and she said they were watching the second half of a Tom and Jertry movie. My first thought was the old Tom and Jerry cartoons which have a lot of violence. They were already told that she reacts to any violence. So I figured (or should I say hoped) that it might be a newer movie version. I just looked up Tom and Jerry the movie, the only movie version I found, and this is the review-The popular cartoon cat and mouse are thrown into a feature film. The story has the twosome trying to help an orphan girl who is being berated and exploited by a greedy guardian.
Oh my gosh!! I certainly hope this isn't the one they are watching. I will be marching my way right into the principals office for an emergency meeting to address this if I find out this is the one they saw. I will see the fallout tonight if she saw this one. I know just what they will think, mom is being so overprotective. I will wait until my meeting Thursday with the teacher before getting too upset over it. What is the solution? Take her out of class when they show objectionable things? Ask to watch it with her? I'm grateful for her new social awareness of being like everyone else, but it may be hard if I have to be selective with what she sees.
All in all, things are going well. Today was no uniform day, which she was anxious about, she said she just wanted to wear her uniform. She didn't wear her uniform today, and didn't say anything about it this morning. Thank God it's Friday, I am exhausted.
Oh my gosh!! I certainly hope this isn't the one they are watching. I will be marching my way right into the principals office for an emergency meeting to address this if I find out this is the one they saw. I will see the fallout tonight if she saw this one. I know just what they will think, mom is being so overprotective. I will wait until my meeting Thursday with the teacher before getting too upset over it. What is the solution? Take her out of class when they show objectionable things? Ask to watch it with her? I'm grateful for her new social awareness of being like everyone else, but it may be hard if I have to be selective with what she sees.
All in all, things are going well. Today was no uniform day, which she was anxious about, she said she just wanted to wear her uniform. She didn't wear her uniform today, and didn't say anything about it this morning. Thank God it's Friday, I am exhausted.
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