Two Days Off From School

We are enjoying two days off from school, although S is still coughing. she feels fine though. Yesterday, we watched Tarzan together. I really don't like that every Disney movie has violence and an orphaned child as the predominant theme. It gave us an opportunity to talk about the differences in her own family. She has recently been talking a lot about her skin color and why it is darker than ours. I try to point out that none of us within the family have the exact same color. She is not one to be conviced easily. She says she wants to bleach her hair blonde when she gets older and have blue contacts so she can be like us. I have read enough to know that this happens frequently in trans-racial adoptions. I thought I could provide enough love and security that this would not be a big issue, especially at this age. It's one of the many areas of adoption that I was a bit in denial about. Not exactly denial, but I didn't realize that it would happen this young and to this degree. When I said something about growing in another mommy's tummy, she said, "No, I grew in your tummy!" Oh how I wanted that to be true for her, it broke my heart.

Sidelined By Sickness

Today is day three of a stomach virus. On Friday, I went to the car ahead of her to put her backpack in. I walked back in to find her standing still in a pool of vomit. The poor baby, apparently she had been calling out to me but I didn't hear since I was outside. I was away from her no more than 30 seconds. I don't know if she called out to me before or after it happened. She stayed home from school but felt fine the rest of the day. She had about a 99 degree fever the entire day. The next day she was hungry, waking me up before the sun. She must have eaten too much too soon because she didn't keep it down. I got her to the bathroom in time, but she stood straight up so it missed the target a couple of times. Oh well, clean up of body fluids is part of being a mother. I think she thought by keeping her mouth shut, she could stop it from happening, but it just made the exit when she opened her mouth more explosive. She hovered around 100 degrees this day, and I gave her some Advil. She didn't do much at all, she felt worse than the day before. Today she woke up early, but not as early. I gave her a small amount of food at first. She fell back asleep for a couple of hours and was very perky. I thought it was the end. I gave her more to eat and things were fine. We got ready for church and she was eating some more. I took her temperature and it was a little over 100. I decided that I couldn't contaminate the congregation, so we are home. I am very disappointed. We have Chinese class today, I think that is a no go too. Hopefully I will get some work done today. I am also hoping that today is the last day of this illness so she can go to school tomorrow. She is very upset at missing school. Next week is only a 3 day week anyway. 4 weeks until our last NR re-eval. I am going to continue to update here, because it is important to document the changes after the NR work. NR promises to make the changes it is capable of making, but it doesn't mean that your child will be 100%. It means their potential is at 100%, but there could still be learning disabilities, etc. I don't know what this school year will bring, but I do know we will be prepared. Now that we have completed NR, I know what we have to work with and that I have done all that I can to have her reach her true potential. It feels so good to have it behind us. If you have read this from the beginning, you will know the gravity of what I am about to write. I told S that this time would be the last time we are going to see Bette and she replied, "I want to keep going back to see her and get more exercises!" If you had told me early on that i would be writing that I would have told you that you were crazy. Now that is an accomplishment.

Good News

I had a meeting on Monday with the resource teacher. She is new to the school, and was very nice. I gave her a brief history, and she didn't look at me like I had three heads. I can usually tell when they are just agreeing with me, I did not get this feeling from her. She anticipated my needs and offered suggestions before I asked. She seemed compassionate and understanding and knowledgeable about trauma and it's impact. I am amazed to see that they may have put things in place. I explained to her that S will think punishment for other kids is for her. The person I met with said that she will tell the teacher to point out when she is being good and make her the role model. Today she came home with a little paper that said she did a great job in Math today. Apparently she and another girl were also rewarded for being really good during nap time. I am hopeful about the future. Mistakes will happen, but at least we will avoid the known problems. I emailed the teacher asking for a meeting on Friday and didn't hear back, so I sent a note in today. She made a meeting time next week. We go for our final eval next month!

What a Week!

I has been a rough week. A series of little mishaps happened and it all blew up Friday night. We had a mini 'rage' which as usual, was very difficult to endure. The odd thing is that it sort of continued the next day in the form of negativity. The good thing is that she is able to verbalize her emotions quite well. The biggest thing is her fear of loss. She would rather have everything and everyone in her life gone rather that have us and fear losing us. It is better to have nothing at all. She even went so far as to say she just wanted to go back to live in China. I think it's all too good and she just can't bear the thought of losing it. I really can understand it. I think we can all relate a little bit to this. Haven't we all felt like it was a dream when we had everything going great in our lives and we were afraid we would wake up and it wasn't a reality. Everyone has a fear of loss, but not to this extreme. I wish there was some magical way of taking all of her fear and pain away.

I have a meeting with the school tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect, I hope I am prepared. They seem open to more than one meeting, it's not like the public school. I hope I can present it in a way they will understand. Today is a busy day that is unavoidable. if we can just get into bed early tonight, it will all be okay.

Tooth Fairy

Someone woke up so excited that the tooth fairy has visited last night. She went to bed very late last night, so I thought she would be sluggish. She was so incredibly excited and full of energy.

Yesterday, I asked her to watch the video of her adoption and she said she didn't want to. She said there were 'sad' parts. She didn't answer me what the sad parts were. She understands that she got 'a new mommy and daddy' that day. Yes, there were some sad parts indeed...

Teeth

Well, to commemorate the 5th anniversary of her adoption(coincidently), S lost her front tooth today! Just when I was writing about how fast they come out, it just fell out today. The other two are only a week or two away, how exciting. She was upset that there was a little blood, but then exclaimed, "The tooth fairy is coming tonight!"

Habits

I forgot to mention the throat clearing habit has vanished. It happened either right before or right after school started. However, it has been replaced by a sniffing habit. She also has a really loose front tooth, of which she cannot wiggle using her tongue. I sort of feel like a neglectful parent because I have never taken her anywhere to have her limited tongue movement treated. It's not like we haven't been treating a million other things. Her speech is as clear as an adult, so it is not affecting her speech. She can eat enough to grow, so it's not affecting her health. But, it is something she should be able to do, it could be the reason she is not able to eat certain foods. I got a referral from the pediatrician just a couple of days ago for a speech therapist that can work on feeding. I have hesitated to make this move because food and her mouth is such a sensitive area and I don't want her to be re-traumatized. I also found out it is not covered by insurance. I can't afford $400/month, that's what it will cost for 1x/week. I told my husband, I'm not going to pay that to watch them blow bubbles with her. I may go for an eval to see what I can find out.

I have never seen a child lose teeth as fast as her. The first 2 got wiggly and were out 2 days later. I know they weren't at all loose before then because I brush her teeth. This top one is taking a little longer, but I don't think it's been a week yet and it's almost dangling. The good thing is that it doesn't seem to bother her. The 2 adjacent teeth to that one are also getting loose, so she could have 3 missing on top. Maybe it's a good thing she can't reach it with her tongue, she's constantly be feeling the huge gap with it. I am excited for Halloween. When her older sister was around this age, she had lost teeth this time of year. I carved her pumpkin to match her missing teeth. I am so excited to do this for S. It looks like the timing of her tooth loss with cooperate.

We haven't been to the dentist yet, she just isn't ready. But, I had an idea and I think it's going to work. I asked my hygenist if she would loan me some of the instruments she uses to get her used to them. She happily obliged and I started using them. After the first time, S announced she was ready for me to make an appt!!!! I told her we needed a little more practice and then we would go. I am going to take her when I go next month and see how she does. It might help to have 3 less teeth to clean anyway!

Okay, Seriously Now...

So this morning the assistant teacher tells my husband they are watching Ice Age this afternoon. My older daughter remembered that the story is about a baby being lost from it's parents and the animals help him find them again. Of all story lines, it had to be that. I put in a call to the teacher and they didn't make it sound too promising that they would get her the message. I decided to call the school again and tell them that I needed to know what time they were watching so I could either take her home or possibly watch it with her. They were very accomodating and said they were watching at 2:15. I went early and met up with the assistant. She immediately started to tell me all of the personal mishaps in her life that week and why that prevented her from getting me the movie list. She then tells me that she only shows G rated movies, apparently she didn't notice this one was rated PG. I started to tell her why the story line was an issue and it was completely lost on her. I tried to tell her that she would never know if it bothered S because she hides it so well. Then the big thing-they started watching LAST WEEK!!!!!! The worst part of it she had to watch alone!!! I can't remember the movie details, but I can pretty much bet that the baby cried when it was separated from his parents. She always reacts to a baby crying. I started to think of ways to help them understand and I think I have some examples they can relate to. Have you ever been scared at a horror film? Cried at a romance? We are adults and know the films are fiction, yet they are able to illicit a huge emotional response from the viewers. Now imagine you are a child who doesn't understand all of that and has been a victim of trauma? Hopefully they will get it. My 18 year old was attacked by a dog when she was 5. She wondered why she wasn't afraid of dogs after that. I explained to her that she had 2 loving parents who were right there with her to comfort her and help her. My youngest had no one, not for any of it. This is constant re-traumatization. I also read about all of us have some PTSD. I will bring up that example as well. Befre, if we saw unattended luggage at an airpot, we would think nothing of it. Post 9/11, we have our guard up. If there was a bit of commotion on a flight before 9/11, we would have been annoyed, now we are scared we are all going to die. I am hoping these examples will hit home with them and they will be compassionate. I am going to have to confront what happened today, there was really no need for me to find out today that they were on part 2 of a movie I never knew about until it was too late. I keep being optimistic that I won't be fighting for her until she graduates, but I think I'm in this for the long run. AND, I'm in it for her to succeed. I'm all she has and I can never let her down.

How Much Can I Ask?

I saw something on the news last night about commemorating the anniversary of 9/11. Will they say something about it in school? Can I even ask them not to? Well, I know the answer is yes, but what do I say? They had a tornado drill(I think, based on what S told me), and she has been worried about it ever since. If she has to know about terrorists, I'm not sure she will ever feel safe. Someone on one of my groups brought up that anyone who lived through 9/11 has a bit of PTSD. I definitely agree with that. I don't look at things the same anymore, and a commotion or unattended luggage makes me instantly uneasy and on guard. I think I will use this example when I meet with the school.

Yesterday, S, myself, and my 14 year old were in the car. The radio was on a music station, turned low so we could converse, and my daughter and I were talking. Suddenly, S pipes up and says,"What's it mean, hope to die." Luckily, my daughter recognized that it was part of the lyrics of the song that was on and we explained that is was an expression. I told her that it was like books or movies, you could say anything in a song, but it didn't need to be true. I also told her that they use certain words so they have a rhyme. She was okay with that, but it is amazing that she caught that when it was barely audible. I guess the hypervigilance is still there, maybe she is just better at hiding it : (((((

She worries a lot, and still asks a million questions. She wanted to know who would bury the last person left on Earth. Who thinks about that? She said that she would cry when I died. I thought that was pretty big of her to say that, her emotional vocabulary is getting so much better. I am so grateful for our faith, without it, what would the answers be? No one can make sense out of life, particulary when it's unfair. At least when you believe that someone more powerful has a plan, and that someday we WILL understand, it makes it easier. I remember my life without faith, and it wasn't good, there were no answers, and that was not working out with someone who has almost as many questions as my little darling.