Some More Details

One of the revelations from the optometrist was what he found about how she walks. She was very excited about the appointment, so when he asked her to walk to the end of the hall, she didn't walk calmly and straight. He asked if she always walked like that and I said no. Then he took her by the hand and walked with her and she walked on her toes!!!! She NEVER does this! I told him that but I'm not sure he believed me. I then told him that if she had the choice, she would RUN wherever she went. He answered that he wasn't surprised. He explained that the floor appeared to slant down for her, thus explaining why she would feel the need to run. When he told me this, I instantly had another horrible flashback. The pre-school didn't believe a word I said and re-traumatized her again and again, especially over running instead of walking. They thought they could teach her to behave the way they wanted and ignore her past. Her last school tried to make her walk slowly as well, they didn't see anxiety from past trauma as anything either. Now we have proof of a physical reason why she felt the need to run everywhere. Combine the physical with the emotional reasons, and it becomes overwhelming. It pains me a great deal that she had to go through that, and it's my fault for not being more demanding. It shouldn't be that way at all. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells waiting for backlash on your child if you say too much. Why do people have to judge you and your child and why do they think it's their job to raise your child. I am not taking any chances with this new school, I am going to risk it and I won't hesitate to take her out. The only plus of all of this is that she loves to be around other kids. I remember wanting to protect my other kids and keep them home with me. I wanted them to be around other children. I tried to connect with a network with S for homeschool or just play, but haven't found enough people. We did just recently find a family with someone her age, and we seem very compatible.

Another very important point was affirmed at the optometrist. He didn't know very much about S other than the boxes you check on the form you fill out. We told him she was starting kindergarten in the fall and that she had already spent a year in school. He couldn't have agreed more that this was the right decision. I think my husband needed to hear that more than I did. I feel like we have everything in place to start off the right way this fall. Her vision is taken care of, her NR is pretty much finished, and she is in a better state emotionally. I have high hopes that this will be the best year for her. She just loves life and wants to do everything. She has been so happy since her injury. She was so sweet and charming at her eye appointment. She was so incredibly cooperative, and not one thing scared her. She was amazing. I wish the teachers and people that have judged us could see her now. Do they think we just taught her how to be this way overnight? She is doing all of the things we taught her all along the way as her body connects and matures and is READY to do the things she learned. It makes me sad to think of how many kids suffer emotional harm because they can't make their bodies do what they want. I don't think anyone enjoys being impulsive. Adults are impulsive all of the time with their words. How many times have you said something and wish you thought about the impact your words would have before you let them out? It doesn't feel good. Yet we hold little kids more accountable than adults, when they are too immature to control their impulsiveness. I love the do-over theory. This lets the child do what they should have, sparing their self esteem because they did something wrong. That is one thing that the school did last year, maybe they will keep it up for the other kids.