I Never Want Another Day Like This In My Life

I don't even know if I can write this, it was the worst day of my life. My worst fear in life is losing one of my children. Not losing them in a store, but losing them to death. We were set to fly out Tuseday morning to CT for our vision exam. My husband had just gotten home from being out of town, and S was happy to see him. She asked him to play with her and he picked her up and was playfully tossing her on the couch. This is something she loves, and she was giggling happily. Suddenly, I see him get up with her in his arms. I can't remember if he was calling her name, but she was in a strange position like she was sleeping. I ran over to them asking what was the matter. I first thought she could be choking on something, then I noticed her eyes were not looking at anything and she wasn't responding. I ran to dial 911, not realizing what was happening, but knew it didn't look good. My husband was operating in panic mode, not being able to answer me, but was able to answer yes to dialing 911. He just kept walking with her, walking away. I was yelling to him, asking if she was breathing, all the while in a panic that I was on a corded phone and couldn't run after them to be with her. My 18 year old daughter came running when she realized something was happening. They determined she was breathing, but she was not responding to them. The phone seemed to ring forever, I was upset that the emergency line could ring 10 times without someone answering. The first thing they ask is your full address without even knowing what you need. She did let me know after I told her what was wrong that an ambulance was on the way. During this time, they got her to respond and she was answering what her name was, etc. I knew she was going to the hospital, so I ran upstairs to get some clothing on that would make me presentable, especially if I needed to be there for a while. Thinking back, I must have been in panic mode too, I should have gone to her instead of worrying about being seen in clothing that looked like PJ's. I was back in a flash, well before the ambulance arrived. She was so scared, and she was able to tell me she was afraid of being away from me forever. I didn't know if they would let me be in the ambulance with her, so I told her ahead of time that if that were to happen, I would follow the ambulance in the car and be right there. The paramedics were very nice, and didn't seem too concerned. They couldn't guarantee me she was okay. One of them asked for her to squeeze his hand and she had no grip with the left, but held on a little with her right. It may have been because she was scared, but I didn't want to take any chances. They couldn't tell me either way if she should be checked out, even they didn't really even examine her. Any child who loses consciousness, even briefly, should be checked out. They made me feel like a hypocondriac for deciding to go to the hospital, but I didn't care. They said I could ride with her in the ambulance, so we decided to do that. I was so afraid of something happening on the way if we went in the car. It is about 25 minutes to the hospital, so I wasn't taking chances. The ER doctor did a minimal exam, and suggested that she may even have had a seizure because she stiffened up after she lost consciousness. My husband recounted the events leading up to this. He dropped her on her bottom to the couch, and her head fell forward, almost like whiplash. I think she was already out and that her head fell forward as a result. He thinks her head flopping forward was what did it. It was just a freak accident. S's version of it was that daddy "threw" her on the couch. I thought for sure we would have a social worker in there investigating based on her wording of the incident. When my older daughter broke her finger years ago, they grilled both of us over and over for the story. The intake people, X-ray, docotrs, nurses. It took like the third time of asking for me to figure out what they were fishing for. I am so happy that this time, they could see that we were caring parents and that there was no chance that this was intentional. I have never been more scared of losing her, it was horrible. I am so grateful for the young ER doctor and nurses who were so nice and careful about not traumatizing her. She left there and said, "That was fun at the hospital!" That was the best thing to come out of this whole ordeal, she won't be afraid if she needs to go to the ER again, or even ride in an ambulance. The doctor said we would probably be okay to fly out the next day, we should just watch her carefully over the ext 24 hours. We decided to go ahead and fly, since she was back to normal so soon after the incident. It was a sleepless night, constantly checking if she was still breathing. Thank GOD she was okay, I am so grateful for every minute I have with her.