Some Little Things

One morning recently, I was doing something in the kitchen and making some noise. S was saying something to me and I asked her, "What?" I should have stopped what I was doing, but didn't and I still didn't hear what she said. So after her saying it 2 more times, I stopped what I was doing, got closer to her and asked again. She said loudly, "I LOVE YOU!" Oh my gosh, did you just say that? I have heard that so few times, and to think she would still say it after having to yell it for the 3rd time. Of course I swooped her up and gave her a huge hug. Another time just a few days later, I was buckling her in her car seat and she said, "I'm so glad you're here with me." Wow! These are gigantic breakthroughs for us.

The other day we were at a park and she played so nicely with a little boy her age. They played harmoniously for 3 hours!!! She does so well one on one, or even with a few kids. I've been told by her teacher that she has lost control in the classroom. This makes me really sad because it's not her nature to act out. She must be at sensory overload. The teacher is very low key, but the rest of the class is not. There is no time out, but I worry about self esteem. She may not be saying things to S, but S is clearly getting the message that she is naughty. It's just so hard to trust other people with your child. They can be great for them, but they can also so a lot of damage without you knowing what is going on. She has been sick this entire week, so I haven't discussed it with the teacher since she came home announcing she was naughty and bad. The teacher said she had a bad day, but that's all I know.

Since she is never sick, we don't ever need to give her medicine. Because of her oral sensitivities, the only time we've even had to give her fever reducer by mouth was when she first came home. It immediately gagged her and she threw it up. We had to wait and disguise it in a bottle of formula. A few days ago, we needed to give her some liquid ibuprofin. We gently put in into her mouth with a syringe and much to our surprise, she sawllowed it without a fight!!! For a kid who doesn't eat anything and still uses a bottle, this is an amazing leap for her. On the food note, she really wants to drink out of a juice box. She sees her friends doing it, and she tries so hard, but she just can't bring herself to do it. The good think is that she wants to eat and drink, so someday we know she will. She asks for food she doesn't eat. She asks for french fries, which she's eaten a few time. If she asks when I'm out, I've gotten them for her a few times. She will sometimes eat a few, but she mostly like to just hold the package. We have to start somewhere! That's all for now, we've been off the program for a week now because she's been too sick to do anything. Can't wait to get back to normal. I guess the good thing about illness is that it always strengthens our bond. She needed a chest x-ray yesterday and she did exactly what the lady told her to. Just 6 months ago, she would have been scared to death and not complied. Our progress is slow, but progress just the same. We will be around family for Thanksgiving and I'm stressing that there will be comments made. I'm trying to arm myself, but I'm usaually in such shock that I'm left speechless. Hopefully all the worry is for nothing.

November 5, 2010

I wish I had time to write daily, because there are so many little changes that I just forget about. There were some pretty profound things happening when we first started our new program. We are concentrating on the tonic neck pattern because part of the impulsivity is because the two hemispheres of the brain are not communicating. I picture it like the cartoon where the angel is on one shoulder and the devil is on the other. Sometimes the one side wins, sometimes the other. The problem is, I really think she knows when she can't control it and feels badly after. She doesn't express emotion well, so I can't tell what is going on inside. She appears happy, very very happy, almost all of the time. I know she is hiding feelings, but part of me wants to believe she is just a happy girl. One time her sister instinctively slapped her hand when S hit at her or did something to hurt her. Her feelings were so hurt. She cried for a length of time. She was also very sleepy, and fell asleep in the car, crying up until the moment she went to sleep. She wasn't at all physically hurt, but she was upset with her sister for doing that. She shows frustration, and will act out when she feels that way. I don't think I've ever really seen sadness.

Another huge change is her eye alignment. I've noticed in pictures that her eyes are more often aligned. I'm so excited about this!!! I took some pictures of her today, and they look so much better. One day, when we were dropping off at pre-school, I had just been talking about asking permission to hug or touch someone. She went to hug a little girl and then stopped herself with her arms outstretched and almost touching the girl. She asked if she could hug and the girl nodded permission, only to shove her away as soon as she gave her the hug. The was a huge step for her. I'm not sure her teacher believes she fits the profile of a sensory dysfunctioned child, but she is kind to her. I gave the teacher some articles and she is implementing some of the suggestions into the classroom and into the routine. She said she could see how some of the other children could benefit from this. Hooray!!! Maybe this atmosphere will compliment our therapy and we will get the most out of it.

I have to tell you about our attachment progress. The love story is unfolding in such a beautiful way. How wonderful that I get to experience this with her, when other moms just take it for granted that their child will love and trust them. I've noticed that when I read to her or am close to her, she will just rest her little hand on my arm. She is so excited to see me when I pick her up from pre-school. Today, we were in a store, and I was a few feet from her but I was out of her sight. She called, "Mom?" and I answered and was immediately next to her. She reached over and held my hand. This is so huge, because she hates to have to hold my hand when we are out. She was forced to do it this summer when we were in China. She decided she didn't want to be in her stroller, so I told her she had to hold my hand. she took the least of two evils, but hated it. She has never held onto our hand, always preferring to be independent and walk next to us. I'm sure this was a control issue. That's what makes today's experience so wonderful, she chose to do it.