Wrapping up for the year

We had a wonderful Christmas celebration at our house. The excitement leading up to it was so fun. We never thought she would sleep past 5am Christmas morning, but we were wrong. She went to bed late and must have been so exhausted from all of the anticipation that it wore her out. She didn't get up until almost 9am! Her older sisters were happy about that, they were afraid they would need to get up early. We start off the day with opening our stockings. She was the first to be handed a stocking. She grabbed it and hugged it tight, it was such a precious sight. When we started opening presents, she just wanted to start playing with the first thing she opened. It wasn't long until she was overwhelmed by it all, but her reaction to this was just to sit quietly. It was a really fun day for everyone. We have been taking care of a kitten which we decided to keep for S. We put him in a box and quickly brought him to her to open. When she opened it she exclaimed, "We got another kitty?" She wanted to know how we got him in the box, it was so cute. She wants to be able to take care of kitty herself and be responsible for him. She says she wants to be in charge of him like I am of her and to teach him right from wrong. I think he is going to be really good for her. He is so good natured, she can do anything to him and he just purrs louder.

I hope the close of 2011 brings a close to our NR work. I never imagined that we would have so much emotional work after we were finished with the program. I am not complaining though, it's just hard to see her have to go through this. We go back in January for hopefully our last re-evaluation. I am so glad we went through NR, now I can only wish that I could convince countless others to make the journey. It's just so hard to know that children can go through life with full potential after an NR program but instead function with lots of coping mechanisms and the appearance of being healed. I thought that parents who chose the 'cover up' therapies were just uninformed, but I was wrong. Maybe they lack the confidence to do it themselves, maybe it's lack of self-discipline, maybe they just don't believe it will work. I know I suffered from lack of self discipline and had big time compliance problems with my daughter. I just hope that we can be an example to others. Our journey is not as difficult as some, but I do know that is was a lot more difficult than many. Either way, I'm happy for where were are today and can't wait to write our graduation notice to the group!

What's New?

It's that crazy busy time of year, but I want to write an update before too much time goes by. S's school put on a singing performance for the parents on Thursday. We asked to watch or video a practice just in case she bailed out at the last minute. They agreed to video for us during a practice. We watched the video in amazement as she sang and went through the hand motions of the songs. We were prepared for her to get scared the day of the performance, which was also her daddy's birthday. She hesitated and said it was too loud(which it was), but bravely went up with the other children. We were not prpared for what we got to see. She was in the front, standing, and she belted out the first song, complete with hand motions. The did a song with sign language, which she did on cue. She sang the loudest and with more enthusiasm than the entire group combined. I watched with tears in my eyes that she was capable of such an amazing feat. She made it through the entire performance like a pro. I saw a side to her that I had only dreamed of. I was by far the proudest mommy in the room. Her arm motions were so enthusiastic, she would have knocked someone across the room if she bumped them by accident. My other kids were always pretty shy when they were young, and I secretly wanted to be the mom of the kid who sang the loudest and with confidence. I am so proud of her.

We went to Disney for 2 days. She went on familiar rides, but also tried some new ones willingly. she even went on tower of terror, but that was definitely a one time deal. She did okay, but doesn't want to go again. Yesterday, we went to our first Princess encounter. She was nervous leading up to it, and asked me to go with her when meeting the first princess. I told her she needed to go by herself and she did. She was very talkative and did great. She was dressed like Cinderella and the princess Cinderella was the last to meet. She was so excited to meet her and have her picture taken with her. They had a nice little conversation together. It was another 'first' for her and another proud parent moment.

A New Perspective

I was driving in the car today and I was thinking about a particular adoptive family. They are faithful people and prayed fervently for their adopted children. They have really run into relatively few problems and I began to contemplate my life. We prayed for our future daughter years before she entered our life, even before she was born. I prayed for an easy adjustment and a secure attachment. I had visions of adopting a slightly older child, probably potty trained, and more fun than actual 'work'. I got almost nothing I prayed for. I got what I didn't know I could have. It's like the description of heaven, no one knows what it's like because it is beyond what we are capable of comprehending, colors we have never dreamed of, wanting for nothing, etc, etc. I got what I didn't even know to pray for. I got a lot more patience than I thought I was capable of, I got educated on sensory processing disorder, physical therapy, occupational therapy, theraputic listening, Crossinology/BIT, feeding therapy, impacted ear wax, speech therapy, IEP's, McKay scholarships, attachment therapy, NR, retained relflexes, vision therapy, and many more. I got to appreciate what trust really means. I got the gift of love that is earned. I learned the impact of emotional trauma. I saw a child overcome more obstacles in 4 years than most people will see in 3 lifetimes. I didn't get what I prayed for, I got so much more, so much better. Occasionally I still wish that it was easier for her, but I think she will have a better perspective on life because of it. She is a fighter and she will go far. I love everyday with my darling daughter. She opened up my eyes to another world. I have a purpose beyond my family, I now have an opportunity to help the children left behind in the orphanages. I am reminded that when you don't get what you pray for, it's because God knew that you needed something different that what you wanted.

School Troubles

We are having some issues at school. It seems that the whole baby crying situation is the same. Yesterday, a child in her class cried and piched a fit which just sent her into a tailspin. She ranted about it the entire ride home. I immediately emailed the teacher. The teacher wrote back that she thought she had a great day and that the child who was the cause of all of the trouble did so at the end of the day and that it wasn't too big of a deal. I have a feeling what really happened is somewhere in the middle. I don't think they are willing to do what I ask, but I don't want to switch schools either. I will have this settled before the end of the year. Is it better to have conflict so S's issues can surface or do I isolate and protect her until she can better handle it? I am the type of person who wants to shelter my children. I would rather go that extreme than to throw them to the wolves and then have to deal with the aftermath. I do wonder if isolating her will just prolong the obvious. Looks like I need to consult with the attachment therapist. I hope I can give her everything she needs without making any mistakes. The poor child has been through too much in her short life, she doesn't need me making mistakes. She got in the car today proclaiming, "I don't want to talk about my day, okay?" I said okay and then asked her if she ate her lunch. She reacted by putting her arms in front of her face, squirming in her seat, and yelling, "I don't want to talk about my day!" She just wanted to go home and have something to eat. She hasn't said anything to me yet, I hope she will tell me later. I'm letting her have some time alone because she needs it after a long day at school. That's the lovely part of NR, it gives us lots of one on one time to have the chance to talk. I don't think anything would have ever come out had I not done NR with her. I thought the developmental catch up was difficult, I never knew how hard the emotional part would be. She was completely non-expressive with emotion until the recent past, it was so easy to not even realize that she had no emotional vocabulary. I hope this phase is over soon, it is completely draining me. It hurts me so much to know my precious little one has had such a hard time and may have some horrible memories.