A Minor Detail-or maybe not so minor

So tonight I was putting S to bed and I forgot I needed to change her sheets. I changed the sheets but not the pillowcase, because I had just changed it a couple of days ago. Her diaper leaked through, so that's why her sheets needed to be changed after only a day or 2. Normally, her pillow just gets tossed out of the bed, mainly for entertainment, so who thought it matteered anyway? The past couple of weeks, I noticed she neatly arranges her pillow on the bed. I thought this was a little strange, but she changes her routines all of the time. Back to tonight-I have only 2 different pillowcases that I use for her bed, one is solid pink(the one that was on the pillow), the other has a dog pattern on it. After I put her in bed, she was asking for the doggie pillow. I wouldn't have thought in a million years that she noticed the pillowcase. For the last year, she hasn't even used a pillow. This brings something horrible to mind. I had read a story long ago about a girl who had attachment problems. She was older, and one day she burst into tears and told her mother that she was sad that she gave away her baby bouncer. I am a saver of all kinds of things, particularly sentimental things. I have gotten S so many toys, most of them thrift store finds. As I did with my other kids, I always took cues from them about their abilities and interests, and got them appropriate toys, games, etc. So with S at such a disadvantage, I have gotten her more than most kids to help her catch up and develop. This leads me to the dilemma, what to get rid of? If she noticed the pillowcase, is she wondering where some of her old toys have gone? With a child who has had their life disrupted as she has, does she worry about what will stay and what will go? I'm talking about toys, people, her house? I just don't know the answer to that. I try to keep a toy that I'm going to get rid of out of sight for a while. That way if she should ask for it, I have hung onto it. How long before it's safe to get rid of? I wish I knew. Tonight I've discovered that she notices things I don't realize, so I need to re-think our daily life.

It's New Year's Eve!

Wow, what a year it's been. We have seen amazing progress, and that's something to celebrate! I just sat down for dinner with my little darling. Not very eventful for most people, but for us, it's an amazing accomplishment. First of all, S is sitting in her booster chair instead of my lap. Two days ago, she asked me to identify a slab of play jelly and a slice of bread. After I told her, I asked her if she wanted to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She said yes, so I excitedly went and made her a half of a sandwich. Much to my surprise, she ate it and loved it! So tonight, she sat next to me and proceeded to eat 3/4 of a pb&j sandwich, along with several animal crackers. She even pretended to drink out of her sippy cup. I actually think she got a drop or 2 into her mouth and she didn't panic. Her speech is amazing and her vocabulary is remarkable. She pretended to 'read' a book and kept using the word 'corporation'. It was hilarious. We think she must have gotten that from watching PBS. She really picks up on everything, so I just use an adult vocabulary around her now. She still isn't able to communicate with us like we would like, but I'm not so sure it's because of her inability to do so. I decided it was safe to assume she knows and understands much more than she lets on. I didn't want to limit her capacity by questioning her ability. So far, it hasn't backfired on me. Even her eyes seem to work a little bit more together than they used to. Her left eye used to look in a different direction and her 2 eyes didn't align. I have been feeding her in the cradle position for about 5 months now, and it has had measurable results. We plan to attend a conference given by Denise Best in February. I also plan to consult with her for an assessment. We need more fine tuning these days than a major overhaul but it seems each day we have something new to work on. S has developed a habit of throwing things and occasionally hitting. I hold her hands next to her and tell her no hitting. Sometimes this leads to her using her feet then her head. This progresses to a full body restrain, which is very effective. I tell her what she's done wrong then after 30 seconds or less of protest, I ask if she's ready to be good and not do 'whatever' anymore. Now, after a week or 2 of that, she almost immediately starts repeating over and over, "Be good, be good", and then I let her go. If she hurts someone, I'll make her say she's sorry. This method is working very well, although I know impulse control is very difficult for her. I've read so much about kids showing a violent side, it's going to be really hard for me to handle that if S exhibits that side for a long time. The hardest part will be for me to know she has those feeling inside of her, she has always been such a sweet child. She is always so happy too, despite her inability to do so many things that other kids her age do. I would rather have her stay happy than to trade that for being developmentally on target. You just can't beat happy. Her joy spreads to me and her whole family, and we love that part of her. She can't help put a smile on your face. Speaking of smiling, I got the best present just a few days before Christmas. I was talking on the phone, and she was cruising around the kitchen in her little cozy coupe car. Out of the blue, she asked me for a hug. I leaned down through the bars of the car to get to her and she gave me a hug. Then the best surprise of all, she said, "I love you!" That's the first time she's ever said that. You know, it was worth waiting over 2 years to hear that, because I know she did it unprompted. I know so many kids who are little robots and can regurgitate everything they are taught, but what do they know on their own? Especially with adopted kids that may have attachment problems, how do you know they are feeling it or just saying it? I know S is very repetitive, and the things she says on her own I know are real for this very reason. It was such a special gift to me, just like my first real kiss! Another accomplishment that was noteworthy was that she actually responded to someone she didn't know. All of the time, she ignores all people, and will not even respond yes or no. We can barely get responses from her. She loves to talk, but not to respond to us or anyone else. She was at the dentist with her sister and I, a place she's not comfortable with. She sat in the hygenists chair with her sister, which really surprised me. Then, at the end, she actually opened her mouth so the hygenist could see her teeth. She didn't let her anywhere near her, but opening her mouth was huge!!!! Then, she actually answered a couple of questions. I can't believe she is 3 and a half already, she has grown so much. In a little over 2 years, she has grown more than 8 inches and gained 12 pounds. She has overcome some fears and developed at least as many if not more than she had. She is pretty much over her repetitive stage, and she sings all of the time. Unfortunately, she's knows the theme songs to some shows that her big sister watches. Good that she knows the songs, but bad that they are the I Carly theme song and stupid shows like that. She immediately bounces into action when she hears Beyonce's All the Single Ladies. She also knows the new line dance song by Hannah Montana. Such is the life of a 3 year old with 3 big sisters. It could be worse. She's a girl who likes Disney Princesses as much as her Hot Wheels cars. She loves books, and is learing a little bit of Chinese. Some days are full of promise, others full of despair. I know I'm looking forward to 2010, and hope to be through with all of our therapies and onto enjoying all that life has to offer. My little girl has come so far, and has a long way yet to travel. We get through it, one day at a time, and we'll try to enjoy the hard parts as much as the easy ones. I'm grateful for learning about NR and not settling for the limitations of therapies available in my area. I'm looking forward to a year full of accomplishments.