The rant of a non-conformist mother..

I am a self admitted non-conformist from way back, I can't deny that. I have changed that to a certain degree for my children's sake. I do what it takes to make sure that they fit in so that they can function in society. After all, unless we are independently wealthy, we have to interact with people on a daily basis. It's not that I don't like people, I just I don't like to deal with the 'stuff' sometimes, like silly rules that make no sense. For example, we were in a thrift store and S didn't have shoes on. Her daddy was carrying her, so it didn't matter. He put her down for a minute, and the crabby lady said, "Where's your shoes?" I thought she was kidding until she told us stupid parents that there was a sign that said they weren't supposed to allow anyone in without shoes. She explained that if everyone came in without shoes, their carpets would get so dirty, they would have to clean them all of the time. We searched for the sign on the way out of the store, but couldn't find one anywhere. Now I pride myself on keeping my kids clean. I challenge that stupid lady to find one person whose shoe bottom was cleaner than my daughter's bare foot.

My family thinks I'm too sensitive about comments, and maybe I am, but does that make it okay that people make rude and insulting comments? I've heard so many China comments already, I'm getting used to them. I realize all of these comments out there are made out of ignorance, and I treat the people who make them accordingly. I've never been rude, only correct them and educate them. My perspective has changed since having a child with developmental delay, sensory processing disorder, and possible attachment issues. Raising her has been very different. We have joined a gymnastics class, mommy and me of course for her protection. This last class she hated, she was scared and cried. We had stupid comment #1 right away form teacher-Most kids are scared of X, not Y, that's really strange. No, what is strange is that she thinks all kids are the same. Then we have well meaning dad having his daughter demonstrate something for S. He thinks the old intimidation trick will work for her. Come on, don't ya want to do what she is doing? ALL kids like to climb. Well, I guess my kid isn't like ALL kids. Actually, she does love to climb, dangerously high because her eyes don't work together yet and she doesn't know how high she is. She loves to swing and spin because she can be sensory seeking. But then the sensory avoiding behavior can take over in an instant, making her petrified of moving. She hates fans, especially when they blow up a giant inflatable toy that appears from nothing in minutes. I left this place upset and confused, wondering if my daughter would someday be able to "conform", so she could enjoy what other kids do. Then I got to thinking, "Why do we need to conform when she's 3 years old?" Well, I guess it would be nice so she could be with other kids in a preschool setting someday. It would be nice for her to be able to take a dance class someday. Someday she'll realize that her friends do things she doesn't and want to do them too. I hope by then, she'll have that option. But then I think about where we are today. She is the happiest child on this earth. When I can control her environment, she doesn't have to be scared, and I'm there to protect her. I can control her exposure to help her overcome her SPD, which we need to actively work on. We can be happy together when we aren't trying to conform, why should we bother? Right now I don't want to fit in with the world, we are happy where we are. We are working on correcting her issues through NR, these things take time. So I'm thinking about how nice it would be to enjoy life without having to deflect hurtful comments.

On another note, I've recently had to deal with many people making comments about China. If they would only stop and think about what they said. If I had a child from India or Guatemala, would you come up to me and tell me how inferior the country is, or even their political problems? Thanks for knowing a tidbit of info about another country, but if it is slamming my child's birth country, then keep it to yourself. Sensitive? Yes, and can you tell me why I should be insensitive? I don't want anyone slamming my country, nor any country I happen to have any connection with. I want to defend everything, but I usually stay silent because such a level of ignorance is hard to educate. I can't even begin to understand why someone thinks I want to hear how bad China and their people are. Maybe they think they need to make them the bad guy for making children available for international adoption. But then that really demonizes parents everywhere for giving up a child for adoption. If they listened to the truth about why people had to surrender their children in China, they might keep their mouths shut. If we had a one child policy in this country, there would be lines at the abortion clinics and more babies available for adoption than parents to take them. So what would the world say about us? Why are we the better country because we abort our babies? I keep thinking that it's my job to educate to protect my daughter and save "educated" people from sounding so stupid. Some days I want to live on an island and just enjoy life without stupid comments. Time to go play with my wonderful, happy, joyful daughter who brings unlimited joy to people who can forget their expectations and truly enjoy her.

Experience the miracle of NR

I decided to take a short video of my little darling dancing. You have to know the history to really comprehend the joy of seeing this. S has always enjoyed music since the day we met her. I brought a wind up musical toy to China with us and she loved it. From the day we got home, I have always played some kind of music for her. She had a toy attached to her bed that played 6 or 7 different classical tunes. She learned how each tune started so quickly, that she would press the button multiple times to get to her favorite song. She would recognize that it was one she wanted of didn't want by just a single note or two. The thing that I found more intriguing was that she didn't move her body to the music at all. I gave her some time, thinking she just wasn't used to the concept of music, but that movement came very naturally to every baby. She never once even tapped a finger or foot to the beat, no movement at all, even though she clearly enjoyed music and could easily identify songs. I can't remember how soon after starting NR that she started moving, but it wasn't very long at all. It started off with her just wiggling a little sitting down. Now we just started NR 7 months ago, with a 2 month or so break in the middle. I would have to say that even if the success the video shows was the only thing NR did for us, it would be worth it. But if you read a couple posts back, you'll know we have accomplished much more than that. I believe that NR unlocked her ability to fully integrate the music, there is no other explanation. You don't just start moving to the music after a year and a half of being exposed to it. Hopefully after seeing this video, if there is anyone reading this that doubts NR's effectiveness, you will be convinced.