March 30, 2008

I left off telling you we got a "No" response which was great. Now we've gotten 2 affirmative answers. She sometimes answers, "Okay", but now we get, "Fine!" Today I was holding her and another little boy at the same time. He wanted to see the horse so I lifted them both up to look at the horse in the field next to the school. He was pointing to the horse and I asked S to point to the horse. She pointed and said, "Point" I asked her to point to something else today and she did it! That's been something we've wanted her to do for a while now. She did point to something in a book a little while back, but not when I asked her. It's really hard to access where she is developmentally because she is really stubborn and doesn't want to do things when we ask her. If you ask her to go pick up the hat, she'll go do it, but if you ask her to point to a hat, she won't. So we know she knows so much more than she lets on. I think it's part of maintaining the last bit of control. It's heartbreaking to know she hasn't completely let her guard down after a year and a half. While we were outside swinging today, I remembered a time when she was afraid to even get in the swing. If you didn't know where she started, you might worry about where she is today. But since we've been through it all with her, she has overcome so many obstacles. I think she has learned much more than other kids her age who have not been adopted. Along with all of her developmental milestones, she first needed to learn who we were, her new surroundings, her new language, and the biggest thing she needed to learn was trust. That most basic need has to be met before you can go anywhere. When you think of how old she was and how long it took to be comfortable with her new life, I think it's remarkable where she is. I know other children are much farther along, but she doing great for her personality and her obstacles. She just came up to me while I was writing this and said, "Excuse me" while she moved my legs to get past me. More later....

March 22, 2008

S was sitting in my lap while I was eating some applesauce. I asked her if she wanted some while I brought the spoon to her mouth and she answered, "NO!" This was the first time she answered a yes or no question. Normally, she would just push the spoon away. I still can't get her to answer anything else, but this is a huge breakthrough. The OT has noticed that she tries new things when she lets her guard down. He tries to distract her by doing something she loves and then introduces something new. I think we have known all along that there so much more she knows and can do, but is so hypervigilant that she just is afraid to show it. I really think she is enjoying talking to people now.

The other day, she was using 2 pencils to pound on her toybox like a drum. I asked her if she was playing her drum and she took my hand and led me over to the piano in the other room. She was able to relate playing the drum and playing the piano. She has always loved music, and she loves to play the guitar.

That's all that's new this week. I'm trying to get a word count of the words she uses consistently. She's supposed to have a 300 word vocabulary by this time and be speaking in 3-4 word sentences. We've gotten a few 3 word sentences like up, sit, lap and shoes, socks, on. I am not hung up on timelines, she'll catch up eventually. Right now, I'm enjoying every minute with her just the way she is.

Monday, March 16th

We've had a good week overall, a bad week getting all of our therapy in. This is starting to be a pattern. We are still seeing progress though, I guess that's the important thing. Although S had done pretend things before, it has been with toys. Yesterday, we did something together that was completley imaginary. She put her cupped hand up to her mouth and was pretneding to eat something. I decided to follow her lead and imitated her. Then I pretended to feed her something imaginary with my hand to her mouth. She has extreme oral defensiveness, so she grabbed my hand to see what I was putting near her lips. She instantly realized that I had nothing in it, and then let me do it. We did this back and forth and she even fed me some imaginary food. I thought this was a big step in her development. Everytime she does something new, I rest a little easier knowing it's one less thing we need to wonder about. We were watching the space shuttle take off yesterday and when she saw it on TV where it was just a bright light, she started singing Twinkle Twinkle because it looked like a star. I know I have only pointed out the stars once to her. Her sister did a couple of times, but it was a long time ago. What a thrill to know how much she has stored up. I was just watching her play yesterday and I was marveling over how happy she is. She goes through life so joyfully, enjoying every minute. She lives life rather dramatically, I don't know if this is partly environmental influence or just who she is. We are a very lively household, we find that the kid's friends who are only children are quite overwhelmed when they come to our house. They keep coming back, so I guess it's kind of a fun chaos. S can get serious when she's studying how a toy is made or how something works, but other than those times, she's always smiling and talking with tons of expression in her voice. Since she's started singing, we find her singing all of the time. She still won't answer yes or no to a question, we need to work on that.Hopefully I'll be able to report that we're better about our therapy this week. She is going to miss school this week because I'm home with her sister who is sick.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Mommy had a bad day, while S had a pretty good day. It was our second day of 'school'. S separated from me many times to go play, even going to the outside area alone. She loves free play and playground time the most. I looked for smiles from the other kids today and there were lots of smiles, but S is by far the most excited about things. Today, she was handed out her painting from yesterday and she said, "Paper." It's not a word she hears very often, and the teacher did not say the word when she was handing the paintings out. It is such a thrill to be getting a glimpse of what she has stored up in that brain of hers. Now for my day at school...
I need to learn from my daughter to let things go like she does. She was scratched, shoved, slimed with snot, and poked in the eye today. Her eye hurt, and she took notice, but got over it quickly. She didn't even know she'd been slimed with snot or spit until she touched it with her hand. School is not a good place for a germophobe of a mother. I want to be decontaminated when I leave. Poor S isn't raised in a sterile environment like her older siblings, but it's still pretty sterile compared to most kids. Today I was shown a method of compensation for S because she doesn't do certain things the way a 'typical' kid would. That gesture of help was like stabbing me in the heart. I hate the whole politically correct world, it's just simply idiotic. I am much more offended with the word typical than normal. It says the same thing, it's just a different word. My daughter has no diagnosis of a disease or disability, how do they know what she needs? Was she placed in the closest category and we go from there? Aren't all kids different even if they have the same label? Our system is so broken, no wonder there are so many people homeschooling. I see that in our future. I hate how they rush kids to make a decision. They rush them to do everything. S's sister is in the gifted program at her elementary school. They give you a checklist for certain characteristics when you are looking into having your child tested for giftedness. Some of those are: thinking outside the box, stubborn, tenacious, etc. So I get a semester report for her that says she isn't working well in groups and doesn't complete some tasks. I read that and say, "Way to be an independent thinker!" Then I see that they've written that as a negative. If you have the best idea and you know you are right, do you go along with the group? How do you finish when your group isn't going along with your plan? The school boasts how the high IQ kids are leaders. Okay, my kid stepped up to the plate to be the leader and is told that was wrong. Well, which is it? Okay, back to my horrible morning. I've got this parent who made a comment that I have no idea how to take it. It seemed friendly enough, but also seemed like a dig. I don't want to be specific in case they end up reading this someday. As I hear the moms talk, I'm thinking to myself how they need to be told about NR. Maybe I can get Bette to come here to give a presentation. I think 100% of the kids would benefit from NR. Anyway, I have to keep this generic in case I get Bette to come and I'd like to be able to pass this website along to encourage people. My last vent is the comments about adoption and the misconceptions about China. I didn't know the details about adoption and China until before I adopted, but I don't think I said really insensitive things to adoptive parents either. I had read on different yahoo groups how parents deflected ignorant comments when they were said in front of thier child. Maybe they think S is too young, but from what I've heard from her, she's taking it all in and processing it. So when someone talks about China hating baby girls or killing baby girls, they aren't thinking about how it sounds. I didn't know how hurtful it could be until I had this precious little girl to protect. I'm not criticising them for not knowing, I just wish I could handle it better than I do. I try to educate them in as polite a manner as I can, that's the best I can do. Now I know why I have avoided people. Just like my daughter, the more exposure to certain situations, the better she is able to handle them. I need to get out and practice my lines so that I'm well equipped with the right words. Her feelings about adoption and people in general will be influenced by how I handle it. My sweet daughter is expanding my capacity as a human being. She has already taught me that my heart could grow way beyond what I ever thought possible. I never knew that I could fall deeper in love every single day. God has big plans for this little girl, I can't wait to see whose life she touches tomorrow. People are naturally drawn to her, and I have to make the best of that.

Lots of great news

I wish I had time to report everyday, but I haven't had time. The biggest thing that happened is that last Monday, S's OT remarked at how she had progressed in the past few weeks. I have not told him that we are doing NR. He didn't seem too crazy about the idea and his only comment was that, "It couldn't hurt." So I chose not to tell him that we were doing the therapy. I think this is important because the OT is just seeing the progress without expecting anything. Today we had our first class at the Early Intervention Center. I stayed with her the entire time and she had a wonderful time. After thinking about her day there *all 2 &1/2 hours* of it, she was by far the happiest child there. It was actually a little disheartening to realize that none of the kids smiled while they were there. A bit odd of an observation. On a good note, they started singing ring around the rosy and S started singing some of the words! She hasn't heard the someg in months and she has only heard it a total of 10 times. My theory about her is being confirmed, I have always thought that she is storing all of this up and will show us one day all she has been taking in. I have thought this since we were home only a few months. She would say a word, but only once. It was like she was trying it out and would just start talking one day. It hasn't happened all at once, but once she started, it has come at a rapid rate. She is really doing a lot of talking. I think she is starting out this class as one of the special needs class, and will end the 10 weeks as one of the role model children. Although I believe she is the oldest child, she fits right in with the other kids, even ahead of many of them. The most wonderful thing about her class is that all of the kids appeared to be the same. I will try to write more tomorrow to catch up on all I've missed.

Update

We have been doing our work daily and without much effort. S is very cooperative and will even ask for tummy time. We call it crawl on your tummy and she says, "Tummy" when she wants to do it. Today she pulled me down on the floor and wanted me to do it too. I did it, although I took up 3/4 of the length of the mat. It must be really difficult if you have a small house and a big kid. I'm so happy we're doing it while she is young. Today she used 4 different words to get what she wanted. She said, "More, please, cookie, eat". She is expanding her use of words at such a rapid pace. She has also been greeting people all on her own. She just goes up to people and says, "Hi or hello". She's also been taking me around the house and saying, "Want" to tell me she wants something. She'll also say in a really loud voice, "MOM" when she wants me to do something for her. I'm sure she hears her older sisters calling me mom. I was hoping to be mama or mommy for a while. She helped me stir the cookie batter today, something she probably wouldn't have taken an interest in several months ago. I love that she initiates her tummy time, it makes it so much easier. We had been having a hard time with washing her hair in the bath for the past couple of months. We've decreased the frequency to decrease the trauma. She would cry everytime I said the word bath. The other day, she actually tipped her head back for me to rinse her hair. We haven't had any more waking up at night except for those couple of nights. Today, for tummy time, she brought in her little bowl of cheerios and a mini tupperware bowl that held about 4 cheerios. We used both of the bowls to slide across the mat for her to crawl to. After each crawl across the mat, she would sit up and eat a cheerio. After a few times, she stopped and looked at me making direct eye contact. I fed her Cheerios one at a time. It was a silent time, neither one of us spoke, and she made eye contact each time. I felt like we made it to the next step in our bonding. Since we've started therapy, she's needed to be held more often. I happily accomodate her, and it's these times that I am grateful she hasn't gained weight.